In 2012, my husband and I (Rebecca) challenged ourselves to go 100% vegan for one month. To be honest, when I committed, I didn’t eat a lot of meat. Dave, on the other hand, enjoyed meat, eggs, and dairy foods. As you can imagine, his vegan eating pattern lasted less than two weeks. Mine lasted over seven years.  However, I have to admit I was never comfortable calling myself vegan. I preferred to say I mainly ate plants, vegetarian with no dairy, or 90% vegan. 

Why was I hesitant to self-identify as a vegan? I’ve always loved all aspects of food — growing, preparing, eating, and experiencing the taste, smell, and textures. I grew up traveling, and part of experiencing and appreciating other cultures always included the food. For example, when I traveled to Canada, I tried poutine, and when in Scotland, haggis. My family trips growing up included visits to local markets and joining local food tours. Now, I design and share similar adventures with my children, such as sampling various types of tacos and agua frescas from local vendors on the streets of Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.

For me, identifying and following one diet fad or way of eating such as vegan, paleo, Whole 30, Atkins, or gluten-free meant saying no to a valued experience. It also meant feeling like a fraud or diet imposter if I broke from the strict diet philosophy. 

As I’ve moved throughout my career, I’ve seen diets come and go, and the diet feuds only get worse. Individuals with strong food identities constantly fight online about which ideology has more scientific merit, extends life, or best fends off disease. In reality, and rarely mentioned, these ways of eating have far more principles in common (more fruits, vegetables, and fiber and limited ultra-processed foods) than conflicting advice (meat and dairy types and quantity recommendations). As a result of the fighting, many people are confused, fed up, disconnected, and feel like failures because they haven’t been able to comply with one or more of these restrictive eating regimens.

I am not saying that following a specific dietary pattern won’t have personal benefits for individuals. I’ve seen people lose weight, improve blood pressure, reduce blood cholesterol levels, improve blood sugars, and feel better by modifying what and how much they eat. I firmly believe in the health benefits of food — especially fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, and whole grains. I also understand the medical necessity to limit foods for specific allergies or chronic diseases.  

At the same time, I strongly believe in the mental and social benefits of coming around the table to share a meal with family, friends, colleagues, and strangers. Something magical happens when we eat together and fill our souls with nourishing foods. We may be restricting joy in our lives when we are so strongly attached to a certain dietary pattern, believe recommendations are rules that if broken equal failure, or refuse to see the value in other approaches to eating. 

Are your food rules limiting your potential to experience joy from food or eating experiences?

Circle the statements below you practice. 

• I am open to trying new foods even if I am unfamiliar with the ingredients 

• I don’t feel guilty if I stray from my usual way of eating

• I accept invitations to social events even if I know I won’t be able to find foods within my typical eating style

• I don’t preach the benefits of the way I eat to others without them asking

• I try foods from other cultures even if they don’t align with my preferred eating pattern

• I eat and enjoy foods at holidays and family events that are considered family traditions even if they aren’t consistent with my diet rules

• I prioritize eating foods that are high quality and nourishing over foods that strictly comply with a certain diet pattern

• I understand that prescriptive eating patterns are merely a guide for choosing foods for good health, and understand that choosing foods outside of the recommendations will not derail an overall healthy diet

• I look for ways to find commonalities in eating patterns instead of denouncing the value of the food choices other people make 

• I understand that eating for health and well-being includes enjoying food, experiencing culture, and celebrating with family traditions

• I know that a single food or meal will not ruin or break any diet rules

• I don’t avoid eating categories of macronutrients such as carbohydrates or fats

• I realize a healthful eating pattern for me may differ from someone else 

• I understand that what and how much food my body needs may change as I age due to my activity level and body composition, and I am ok with that

Review the list. Did you leave statements uncircled? These may be areas of opportunity for you to modify and discover more joy in eating. 

As I’ve aged, I have to say I am tired of the all-or-nothing approach to eating. I don’t want to restrict the enjoyment out of my life by following a rigid eating pattern. Although I follow a plant-based eating pattern most of the time, I want to be able to dine with friends, travel, and enjoy a good meal without feeling stressed that I am breaking diet rules, if I try something unusual. I don’t want to feel guilty or not a part of a particular tribe as a result of the food choices I make. 

We live in a diet culture. We are experiencing a time of divisiveness where picking teams is more common than styling our lives in ways that bring us joy. As we enter the prime time of our lives, let’s focus on joy and re-design our lives to live fully and authentically. 

Instead of challenging you with yet a new diet for flourishing after 50, I challenge you to loosen the reins and seek joy in the experience of eating well without strict food rules. 

Rumble on!