Entering into my 50s the story that I told myself was that I had ‘arrived’. With an empty nest, a new job, and a move across the country to a new city, I glamorized that  this would be the time to focus on myself, thrive, and grow in new ways. I believed my accomplishments at work, raising a son, being active in my community, as well as the strides that women had made in equality would position me better than ever. The thing was, I was so busy living my life, working, taking care of family and holding it all together that I didn’t really understand how society viewed me, as a woman, transitioning to a new stage of my life. 

What I discovered was that the world found many subtle ways to tell me ‘no’ and put me on notice to expect a professional and personal decline after 50 because I was becoming less relevant. Society finds hundreds of subtle ways to tell women of a certain age that we’re not relevant, not attractive, and less deserving, regardless of our prior accomplishments. At a time when men are viewed as being at the peak of their careers and earning potential and described as ‘distinguished’, it’s suggested that women retreat and fade into the background. 

Consequently, I found myself in a situation where I was bullied and gaslighted at work by my male boss, lived far away from home without family, friends, and lacked a strong social support to boost my confidence and morale. And, still I persevered, determined to push through believing if I tried harder all would be well. After leaving that company and going into yet another role with tremendous gender bias, where women weren’t promoted beyond a certain level. I was often told to be ‘softer’ while my male peers were praised for exhibiting the same behaviors, I had enough, was burned out and exhausted and left. 

I was deflated, beaten down, and emotionally spent. Once a confident, self-assured, comfortable in my own skin woman, I felt diminished. For decades I had put aside my fear of not belonging to hold steadfast to maintain my self worth and sense of integrity. This often elicited a response of criticism, unfair judgments from others that often included backlash of varying degrees. I was broken and battle weary.  I was in a pit and unable to see a way to climb out of it. It was my friends who bolstered me up, and convinced me it was time to quit. They gave a new view that was unfiltered. It gave me the assurance that it would be possible to find a career where I could be my authentic self and find true belonging. I felt wonderful and more myself than I had in many years once I started on my new, healthier path. Yet, many people saw it as fanciful or flighty, and a failure and discouraged me. It’s difficult to move forward when people you care about try to talk you out of doing what you know you must in order to be your whole self. 

We should all turn to friends who prop us up and help us regain our strength in these situations, and I was no different. I spent a lot of time reflecting and talking with other women about the idea of ‘failure’, and how society views women, very differently than how we see ourselves. This is even more true for those of us over 50. Almost every woman I spoke with had a version of a story of coming up against a real or subtle wall of resistance from either society or others trying to tell us to accept that we’re in a decline of some sort. All these women seemed to have paid a great price whether they made themselves smaller in life, or carried battle scars from the hurt that comes with judgment for being authentic. 

Conversely, many women I spoke with voiced feelings that they were just beginning to come into their own understanding of the meaning of their lives. Their sense of purpose was greater than their fear of failing. As a result, it became impossible to accept the false story others had been telling us. Our narrative is one of beginning rather than the one of ‘decline’ others are trying to get us to accept. 

Collectively, many women express an unwillingness to let go of their dreams because other people and society at large were telling them they should. Is it possible that the opposers fear the power of the collective purpose and the strength of our experienced voices? 

We have transitioned to the best part of our lives, not the decline. In fact, we’re coming into the prime time of our lives. This is not the time to let false voices of authority talk us out of the boldness of our ability to unfold the vision of the rest of our lives.

I began to recognize that while I had established friendships with other women in the background of my life, I needed a deeper social connection more than ever before. From these experiences, I’ve come to realized several key things about meaningful connections with other women:

• We’re not alone in what we’re feeling or experiencing. 

• We can magnify our collective voices - we’re stronger together. 

• Supporting each other and learning from one another helps us achieve our dreams.

• Sharing in a collective experience for the remarkable accomplishments yet to be attained fosters purpose, belonging, joy, and gratitude. It feels good! 

And, perhaps most importantly, the understanding is real that we need to establish these deep connections now. At this time and in this place in our lives. We’re starting to see the impact that solitude and loneliness has on our parents in their later years due to the absence of deep friendships. 

This is why we’ve started Rumblings. Together we need to disrupt the status quo for  women over 50 and replace it with something that is new, bolder, and bodacious for the prime time of our lives. 

We do this while remembering with gratitude all the phenomenal women that came before us as we carry forward a strong desire to create a new path for the women who will follow. 

Together we will create a rumbling which will become a movement for a transformative change through action. 

We’re excited about this journey, and we hope you’ll come with us so we can Rumble together!

Karyn