Over the last year, Karyn and I worked hard at polishing our Four Rocks for Flourishing After 50. We wanted to ensure our recommendations followed all the latest science, as well as aligned with what we were hearing from other women.

On August 19, my healthy 54-year-old husband had a severe stroke. It came out of the blue with absolutely no warning which bewildered even his physicians. On the morning of the 19th, he wasn’t feeling well and came home early from work to rest. An hour later, our 17-year-old son found him on the floor unable to move his right side or speak. Within 24 hours, he spiked a fever, was intubated, admitted to ICU, and diagnosed with endocarditis (an infection of the inner lining of his heart chambers and heart valves) which doctors assume caused the stroke. Fast forward 6-weeks, I am happy to report he is making huge strides in his recovery (thanks to his good health pre-event, quick medical care, and amazing providers).

Having a loved one experience a major health event, unfortunately, is something we all go through at different times in our lives. In fact, both Karyn and I have been going through it at the same time with the death of her mother this month and my husband’s current health issues.  It sucks! It really does. At times, I am the “we-got this” warrior and at other times, I am overwhelmed with grief. But what has helped me rally from my lows, has been falling back on the Four Rocks. 

Reset Mindset: 

Over the last six weeks, I’ve had to completely reset my mindset. I quickly learned that thinking about the future after a stroke was an emotional path to nowhere. As a planner, who loves setting visionary goals and steps to achieve them, I’ve had to pause that instinct and commit to staying focused on one day at a time. You see, every doctor and every therapist has said that recovery is personal and looks different for everyone. They can’t say today what three months or six months will look like, only that the progress to date is good. That gives us hope, but the reality is with a stroke, you cannot control the future, only the work we do today. So we get up every day with the goal to make it an exceptional one from the food we eat, the activity we do, who we connect with, to how we frame-up what we think and say. Those are the things we can control. And, day by day we see positive progress and that keeps us inspired for tomorrow.

Live Inside Out:

You’ve heard it a thousand times, you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.  This is harder said than done at times in our lives. I found that to be the case at the onset of our saga. After days of not sleeping, eating poorly, not exercising, and drinking way too much wine, I had to do a reality check with myself. I was getting moody, tearful, and negative which definitely wasn’t serving me or my family. I have four children who needed me to show up for them during this difficult time, a husband who needed support, a business that needed tending to, and a medical situation that needed managing. I wasn’t going to be able to do this if I continued down the path I was on.  

I started with committing to 30-minutes of exercise most days. The minute I got off the bike or treadmill my spirit lifted and I felt ready to conquer another day. I got back to nourishing my body with food that gave me energy and reducing food and beverages that made me feel better in the short term but impacted my sleep and long term energy level. 

Historically, I’ve been that person who puts a wall up and shares “just enough” with others. I tend to hold back from sincerely being my true authentic self — most likely out of fear and/or insecurity. Over the last six weeks, I let the wall down. I’ve told our story and shared the ups and downs of the journey. I’ve opened up our home (messy or neat). I’ve watched my husband rally, get outside, and attempt to chat (finding the right words is still very challenging) with everyone who stops to check-in. We’ve been vulnerable and the love has poured in. And, that love has nourished my soul and kept us both optimistic throughout this journey. 

Listen. Learn. Connect.

The power of community and social connection is amazing. We have felt this first hand over the last couple of weeks. You see my husband, unlike me, is an extrovert. He is the guy who remembers your kids’ names and birthdays. He is the person who remembers the fine details of conversations long after they’ve been had. As a result, he has built a strong amazing community of friends and colleagues over the years and this community has rallied for our family. 

Our home has been filled with cards, flowers, and beautiful plants as daily reminders of their love. Meals have been delivered to our home three times a week. Families of our kids’ friends and neighbors have provided gift cards to local restaurants that have been lifesavers after long days at the hospital and multiple medical appointments. His assistant and a good friend have completely supported his business operations and clients’ needs. And, the amazing Karyn took over Rumblings’ operations while I took a pause to support my husband, even when she was going through a challenging time of her own. And, most importantly the power of prayer and positive thoughts from these friends, neighbors, colleagues, and acquaintances have surely accelerated his progress and prognosis. 

Advocate. Inspire. 

Lastly, during this time I’ve learned so much that I hope to share with you, our Rumblings’ community, over the next few months. We felt like we planned and prepared for times like these, but there are things we could have done differently to be better equipped. I sincerely hope you never find yourself on this path, but if you do, I hope by sharing our experience your experience is a little easier.  

These last weeks have been challenging, but leaning into Rumblings’ Four Rocks has helped me navigate these times more successfully. 

Wishing you good health and well-being.

Together we RUMBLE, 

Rebecca