Midlife Women: The Caretakers, the Givers, and the Keepers of the Universe

I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.  ~ Maya Angelou

There’s something undeniably powerful about midlife women. We often hold things together, whether it’s family, community, or the spirit of those around us. We take care of those we love, give our time and energy freely, and quietly carry the world's weight on our shoulders. But in the midst of this, there’s a beautiful, untapped opportunity: a chance for us to step into a new vision of what life can be—one that brings us growth, reflection, and a renewed sense of purpose.

This chapter isn’t just about what we do for others; it’s also about what we’re ready to do for ourselves.

Shaping a New Vision for Ourselves—and for the World

As midlife women, we’re in a unique position. With experience, wisdom, and a clear understanding of what matters most, we have the power to help shape the world around us. But shaping a better world isn’t only about grand gestures. It can be as simple as taking small, intentional steps that reflect our values and the wisdom we’ve gathered. It’s also about recognizing that we are influencing the world each time we create something meaningful—whether it’s a community, a family tradition, or a personal project.

But in order to give our best, we need to nurture ourselves. This time of life offers us the chance to rediscover who we are, what brings us joy, and where we want to go. In doing so, we find ourselves renewed and capable of being the grounded, unstoppable force that others look to for strength and inspiration.

Tips for Rediscovering Your Essence and Embracing Your Goals

• Take Intentional Pauses
  Being unstoppable doesn’t mean pushing through exhaustion. It means knowing when to stop, breathe, and regroup. Give yourself permission to pause—without guilt. Use these pauses to listen to your inner voice, to reflect, and to re-align with your purpose.

• Reflect on Your Journey
  Look back on what you’ve done, both the achievements and the lessons learned. Reflecting on your journey helps you see the threads of strength, resilience, and courage woven through your life. This self-awareness is key to understanding your unique gifts and the impact you want to make.

• Reframe Your Goals
  Midlife offers the chance to reshape your goals. What do you want to create, pursue, or let go of? Redefine what success means to you now. Whether exploring a new career, diving into a creative project, or finding more time for loved ones, remember that this is your time to design a vision that excites and fulfills you.

• Be Gentle with Yourself
  Strength doesn’t mean you have to be a Superwoman. It means standing back up after being knocked down, assessing your needs, and patiently moving forward. Allow yourself the grace to feel, rest, and find joy in simple and grand moments.

• Connect and Collaborate
  Embrace your community of other strong, inspiring women. Sharing experiences, wisdom, and support creates a powerful network. These connections can provide insight, encouragement, and a reminder that we’re not alone in our journeys.

• Celebrate Your Evolution
  Embrace the journey of becoming. This stage is a time to honor the fullness of who you are—strong and tender, wise and still curious, giving yet ready to receive. Celebrate your evolution, newfound wisdom, and the opportunities waiting to be discovered.

Carrying On, Not as Superwoman, But as Unstoppable

Being unstoppable doesn’t mean doing it all or doing it perfectly. It means carrying on, even when tired or discouraged. It means knowing that the journey itself—filled with ups and downs—is what shapes us and makes us who we are. Being unstoppable is about resilience, but it’s also about honoring our humanity. It’s about standing back up when we’re deflated, finding a new way to move forward, and realizing that each step matters. 

So, let’s take this moment in midlife to honor our role as the caretakers, givers, and keepers of the universe. Let’s also seize the opportunity to shape a new vision for ourselves and the world—one that allows us to thrive, grow, and rediscover the beautiful strength within.

We are not here to be Superwoman; we’re here to carry on, rise, create, and live a life that is deeply our own.

Jetsetter's Guide: Master the Art of Savvy Packing for International Adventures

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International travel can be a transformative and enriching experience. Stepping beyond familiar borders opens doors to new perspectives, cultures, and self-discovery. Amid life's responsibilities and routines, travel offers a unique opportunity to break free from the ordinary, fostering personal growth and resilience. Exploring diverse landscapes and interacting with people from different backgrounds broadens one's worldview and enhances empathy and understanding. 

Whether savoring local cuisines, navigating unfamiliar streets, or immersing yourself in the beauty of historical sites, international travel ignites a sense of adventure and rejuvenation. It becomes a powerful catalyst for redefining priorities, reigniting passions, and embracing the beauty of the midlife journey. Beyond the tangible experiences, the memories forged during these travels become a tapestry of resilience and empowerment, contributing to a sense of fulfillment that transcends the boundaries of age.

We believe this, and we’ve been transformed through many international adventures, like our recent Rumblings trip to Vietnam. As we plan for our 2024 trip to South Africa, Botswana, and Zimbabwe and our 2025 trip returning to Vietnam, we’ve been asked by many women for our packing recommendations to ensure successful international travel. 

Here, we outline how we think about packing and our recommendations for what products to bring. 

Luggage 

Packing light for an international trip is a game-changer. First, it promotes convenience and mobility, allowing you to navigate airports, public transportation, and accommodations easily. We’re true believers in only packing what you can carry onboard. Therefore, it’s essential to consider where you are going, how often you’ll be moving from destination to destination, and what transportation you’ll be using. 

We prefer our roll-aboard luggage when we travel to cities, use public transportation, and move frequently. This suitcase has traveled to Italy, France, Australia, Vietnam, Canada, Hawaii, and Mexico without incident. It’s soft-sided, which offers more flexibility for packing and squeezing into overhead airplane bins, and is durable and affordable. We recommend roll-aboard luggage with 360-degree degree wheels. Also, if you are flying within and between countries internationally, check their carry-on size requirements. The bin space is often much smaller, so a smaller suitcase will be required if you don’t want to check your bag. 

If your trip entails traveling to more rural areas and van travel, we usually bring a backpacker or hiking backpack for convenience. Backpacks can be easier to carry up and down stairs, over rough terrain, and toss into trunks and trailers. Sizes of backpacks are stated in liters, so confirm the overhead bin restrictions on the airplane(s) you are traveling on. For most airlines, 50L or less is recommended. Comfort is key, so try your choice before your trip to ensure a good fit. Here are some of our personal favorites: Peak Design Travel Line, Osprey Renn 50 L, Gregory Mountain Products Women's Maven 55, and Gregory Mountain Products Women's Deva 60

Embracing a minimalist approach to packing encourages thoughtful choices, forcing you to prioritize essentials and detach from unnecessary belongings, fostering a sense of simplicity and liberation throughout the adventure. We’ve found packing cubes are a perfect way to help you stay organized and maximize the amount you bring. Many travelers love compression cubes, and others prefer standard packing cubes.

We also suggest a luggage lock for extra security with any luggage you choose.  

Day Bags

When selecting a day bag for international travel, several key factors should be considered to ensure functionality and convenience. First and foremost, the bag should strike a balance between size and capacity—large enough to carry essentials like a water bottle, phone, snacks, sunglasses, and perhaps a light jacket, yet compact and lightweight for easy portability. Opting for a bag with multiple compartments or pockets helps with organization, ensuring that essential items like passports, travel documents, and electronics are readily accessible. 

Durability is paramount, as the day bag will likely endure various environments and conditions. Look for materials that are both sturdy and water-resistant to protect your belongings. Comfort features such as padded straps and a breathable back panel can significantly enhance overall comfort, especially during extended periods of wear. 

Additionally, a bag with security features like lockable zippers or RFID-blocking pockets can provide extra peace of mind in crowded or unfamiliar settings. Ultimately, choose the type of bag you prefer (backpack, belt bag, or sling bag), and it will become an indispensable companion, seamlessly integrating into the rhythm of international exploration.

Wallet

A dedicated travel wallet or passport wallet is an indispensable companion for any globetrotter, offering a practical and organized solution to the myriad documents essential for a seamless journey. This not only keeps your passport easily accessible but also provides designated slots for boarding passes, credit cards, currency, and other travel essentials. RFID-blocking technology adds an extra layer of security, safeguarding your personal information from potential electronic theft. 

A well-organized travel wallet streamlines the airport experience and offers peace of mind throughout the trip, ensuring that crucial documents are always at your fingertips. Invest in this small but mighty travel companion to embark on your adventures with confidence and efficiency.

Weather Considerations

Packing lightly for varying weather conditions demands a strategic and versatile approach to ensure you are well-prepared for any climate surprises during your travels. Begin by selecting a core wardrobe of neutral, mix-and-match pieces that can be layered to accommodate temperature fluctuations. Opt for lightweight, moisture-wicking fabrics (like Smartwool) that are breathable, packable, and easy to clean in the sink. Consider pieces like a baselayer long sleeve, simple tank, or odor-wicking tank. And don’t forget your feet. Consider socks like these light cushion low ankle, no show, or everyday crew.

A key element is the inclusion of convertible or multipurpose clothing items, such as a jacket that can transform into a vest or pants that can be converted into shorts. 

Check the local weather forecast before departure to fine-tune your packing list. Pack a small umbrella or a disposable rain poncho (handy in Vietnam) to ensure you’re prepared. 

The goal is to balance versatility and practicality, ensuring you have the essentials for warmth and protection without succumbing to overpacking.

Quick Dry Towel and Wash Cloth

Bringing Turkish or quick-dry towels on an international trip is invaluable as it offers a compact and efficient solution for unexpected situations. Another popular option is disposable towettes.

Toiletries

Toiletries can be a real challenge when packing lightly. The good news is that there are some very efficient options for consolidating your daily routine into just the amounts you need for your trip. Put the exact amount of all your creams and lotions you’ll need for your trip into containers like these. Some women like to streamline their routine when traveling and only take what will fit into one clear cosmetic bag to make security a breeze. 

Electronics

Careful consideration of your electronics is essential for a seamless and stress-free experience. First and foremost, verify the compatibility of your devices with the destination's power outlets and voltage, and invest in a universal adapter if needed. 

Backup chargers and power banks can be lifesavers, especially in areas with sporadic access to electricity. Ensure your devices are set to airplane mode during flights to conserve battery life and avoid unnecessary roaming charges. Safeguard your data by enabling security features such as passcodes and biometric authentication. Additionally, research the availability of Wi-Fi and cellular networks at your destination to plan for connectivity options. Finally, list essential electronics, prioritizing versatile devices that serve multiple purposes to minimize the number of gadgets you need. This thoughtful approach to managing electronics ensures that your devices enhance rather than hinder your international travel experience.

Bid farewell to overpacking woes and embrace a streamlined packing approach that maximizes efficiency. Whether a seasoned globetrotter or a first-time explorer, our guide is your passport to hassle- and stress-free international adventures. Dive into the world of smart packing and elevate your travel game with confidence and ease.

Join us and other adventure-seeking women on an upcoming trip.

Together We Live Well and Flourish After 50

Thank you, friends! We are deeply grateful for you, our Rumblings' community, and we wish you a very happy, joyful, and reflective Thanksgiving day and long weekend, however you celebrate.

We’ll both be celebrating locally, but If you’re traveling this weekend, check out our Top Seven Tips for Successful Multigenerational Travel. Sometimes the biggest holiday stresses come from the expectations of family members and friends from different generations coming around the table together. Plan ahead, prepare yourself, and relish your time together. If we’ve learned anything over the last 20 months is that time together is valuable and something we won’t take for granted again.

We also plan to get out and enjoy the long weekend by doing a little shopping, decorating, and consuming lots of leftovers! Small business Saturday (November 27) is a great chance to support small local retailers in your area. We encourage you to seek out and support small women-owned businesses this holiday season. If you haven’t checked out our 2021 Holiday Gift Guide for Women which highlights gift ideas from small women-owned businesses, now is the time!

This is the time of year we prioritize time to pause, reflect, and celebrate our annual accomplishments, as well as strategize and plan for the next year. One annual ritual we’ve done individually and now as a business is setting one to three-word intention(s) for the year. Our Rumblings words for 2021 were learn, connect, and inspire. If you’ve never set your word(s) for the year, check out the process we use to choose our words. We’ll be going through this process in December to set our 2022 intentions.

We love hearing from you. One thing we’ve learned since we launched Rumblings is that many midlife women are looking for alignment between their professional or volunteer work, and their personal values. Two years ago, we were there too.

This rumbling often takes the form of wanting to start a new hobby, transition to a new job role, or jump into an entirely new career. We’ve been inspired by the midlife women we’ve met who have literally reinvented their career paths and are happier as a result. Whether you are just starting to feel a new rumbling that something needs to change or you’re ready to leap headfirst into a new career, read our most popular blog post of 2021—Discover How to Successfully Make Work and Life Transitions After 50.

Living well and flourishing after 50 is achievable! Together we thrive. Take a few moments this holiday season for you. Reflect, realign, and get ready to RUMBLE into 2022.

We look forward to RUMBLING right alongside you.

Best Ways to Support Friends and Family During a Crisis

During a crisis, you can show support in multiple ways to someone you care about. It’s not what you do, it’s that you step forward and reach out.

August 19, 2020, changed our family forever. My (Rebecca) husband had a massive stroke. I shared the details in a previous post, so I won’t go into the story again here, but as my four kids and I moved through the first anniversary, we reflected on what helped us feel supported during the last year. 

The reality is after 50, we’re at an age when sickness, health events, accidents, or death happen to people we care about and love. As I’ve gotten older, seeing people I care about in crisis has happened to too many people, too often. It has felt a bit overwhelming at times. 

Our family was lucky. My husband recovered well. And, we’ve felt tremendous amounts of love during a very challenging year. 

I have to admit before I went through this experience, I often wondered if I was saying or doing the “right” thing for someone going through a trying time. In hindsight, I often let this discomfort prevent me from doing enough to show I cared.  

Experience is our teacher. 

After reflection, I thought these ideas could be helpful if you’re wondering what to do when someone you care about needs similar support. 

Send a text or email without an expectation for a response. As I was sitting in the hospital for three weeks with my husband, I loved getting little notes of support from colleagues, friends, and family, just to say ‘I heard. I am thinking about you. Don’t feel obligated to respond.’ I was often happy to respond, but knowing there was no expectation to helped, a lot. 

Drop off a plant or flowers.  After eight to 10 hours at the hospital, I loved coming home to a house full of flowers and plants. It felt like a big hug after a long stressful day. Even a year later, I see the plants around our house and feel the support from our friends and family. 

Prepare a meal. Knowing my kids were well fed was a huge relief. The love radiated from the meals and food dropped at our home. It was especially helpful to have healthful foods that could be frozen and were easy to reheat. My neighbor organized a meal train for a month. At the time, I didn’t realize we’d need it that long, but we did, and we appreciated every meal. 

Gift a meal. Gift cards may feel impersonal, but I can’t express how thankful we were to receive them at this time. My son’s friend group dropped off a stack from various local restaurants that the kids frequented together. When I was stuck at the hospital longer than expected, these gifts allowed my kids to fend for themselves. My out-of-town relatives found a local meal delivery service, and when I had time to cook again (I love to cook), it was nice to jump online, place an order, and have all the ingredients delivered to our door. 

Ask first before sharing ‘your’ story. I think it’s easy to want to connect with what someone else is going through by sharing your story. It says you understand and have been through something similar. However, I realized quickly that when you’re in a crisis, you can’t appreciate the connection, and it feels like you’re diminishing what the person is going through. Instead, what helped my kids and me was hearing, ‘I went through something similar with X. If it would help to talk about it, I am happy to share my experience when the time is right for you.

Recognize the caregiver(s). It’s essential to think about the person going through the event, but it made a huge impact to have someone ask, “How are you?” I am fortunate to be involved in a caregivers’ support group. I recognize I am one of the lucky spouses. My husband is doing well. However, many caregivers are struggling. The life they knew does not exist. They’re feeling profoundly disconnected. They feel alone and unrecognized. Reach out. 

Stay connected. Health events can change people. As a result, relationships may change.  The ways you interacted with the person previously may need to evolve based on the health of your friend or family member. It’s often easier to avoid or pull away than adjust. Change is hard. Our family appreciates our friends who have stayed and included us in dinners, gatherings, golf outings, and walks through a tough year.

Offer to do a simple task. Everyday tasks that friends offered to do (or just did) like walking the dogs, hiring out yard work, making a Target run, grocery shopping, or covering mandatory school volunteer requirements were very helpful. We didn’t always say yes and take advantage of the offer, but we felt supported by the thought during a stressful time. 

Don’t hesitate, just ask. I know people are often uncomfortable approaching someone going through a crisis. My advice is to reach out. I appreciated anyone and everyone talking to us and asking how we were doing. It felt more awkward when people turned away because they didn’t know what to say, didn’t feel comfortable approaching us, or thought we didn’t want to discuss the challenges we were facing. 

What feels supportive differs for all of us, but the point here is to do something. Whatever it is will be appreciated. 

You can make a difference to someone you care about. It’s not what you do, it’s that you step forward and reach out. 

Surround people with support during challenging times.

Together we Rumble in good times and bad!  

Use the One to Three Word Practice As Your Guide to Live Well in the New Year

“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” — Carl Jung

Since 2011, I have identified three to four words to guide me throughout the year every year. The “my three words” practice was inspired by best-selling author Chris Brogan, President of Chris Brogan Media. These three words are my compass for how I want to live that year. My three words evolve year after year depending on what I want to accomplish, what I feel is holding me back from reaching my goals, and how I want to feel during the year. 

When I reflect on my words over the years, one word has remained consistent - connect.  Usually, one word (such as leap, adventure, or dare) on my list has reflected my personal goal to take more risks throughout the year and not let fear hold me back. Frequently, another word (e.g., aligned, present, or centered) has reflected my desire to be more mindful and intentional about how I live my life. 

Karyn and I have never discussed setting words as intentions for the upcoming year until discussing this blog post. She has a similar practice of choosing one word or a short phrase as her intention for the year. This provides clarity and narrows her intention to a specific topic of focus.

In 2019, a nonprofit organization I worked for took all the employees through an exercise and identified one word —reimagine— as the word for the year.  As we spoke about projects throughout the year, we always returned to our word - reimagine -  for how to design, deliver, or measure results. It was a great word to push creativity and change throughout the organization that year.

The word(s) practice helps you be intentional about the upcoming year. It can also help you break the cycle — picking a behavior to change, going all in, vowing to be successful by the end of the year, and slipping up after a week or two — of unfulfilled New Year’s resolutions. Unfortunately, over 80 percent of us fail to achieve our annual resolutions.  By setting words, you become more intentional about how you want to live your life, which in turn, helps you be more successful in reaching your goals. 

My 2020 words were— listen, connect, inspire, and leap. When I reflect on my accomplishments this year, I see my words reflected. I leaped and left my full-time job of eight years to go back into consulting and start Rumblings. The foundation of the work I do every day is about listening to people, looking for ways to connect deeply with them, and inspiring them to live well. My words also guide me in how I want to parent. I want to be present, listen to each of my children, understand their individual needs, connect deeply with each of them, guide them, and inspire them to live to their full potential. 

Whether you pick one word or three, here are a few tips that we’ve found helpful:

1. Your words do not have to mean anything to anyone else — they’re your words! 

2. Keep the same word(s) all year.

3. Put your word(s) somewhere —  on a calendar, in a journal, as a screensaver, or on a Post-It note attached to your mirror — where you can see it/them every day. 

4. The more you review and reflect on your word(s), the better.

5. Use your word(s) as your mantra. 

How do you choose your word(s):

1. Reflect on the past year. 

2. Visualize how you want to feel, what you want to accomplish, and how you want to live. Creating a small vision board may give you ideas if this is a struggle.

3. Make a list of every word you can think of that reflects what you visualized. 

4. Review the list and narrow it down to your top one or three words. 

5. Give yourself a few days, continue to reflect on your words, and refine your list until you feel confident you’ve nailed them! 

Another reflective activity to prepare for the new year is to renew your vision. Walk through these steps to envision your future.

You know that feeling you can't shake? It's grief.

The human experience includes pain and suffering, but we know that it’s not the full story. There is love, resilience, beauty and grace within that as well. If you don’t tell both pieces of that story, then you’re not telling the full story.

~Elizabeth Gilbert, excerpted from a TED interview.

Almost everyone we speak with these days is feeling something really uncomfortable. And, for those not able to express themselves, those feelings come out in ways that give people close to them pause, knowing that they’re not acting like themselves. 

We all feel it. The sense that this is not normal, it’s gone on too long, and the things that keep us steady, grounded and tethered, just aren’t there any more. The heaviness, the agitation, anger, sadness, annoyance - any emotion you can think of - people are feeling. It’s time to be vulnerable and name this collective ‘thing’ we’re all feeling. It’s grief. We’re all at different places in processing it, but we’re all grieving on some level. 

Every single one of us has lost something. Let that sink in for a moment. No one has been spared, and as time has crawled on, it is dawning on us that the world we used to live in is gone forever. The world has forever changed, and because we live in it, we can’t help but be changed by it too. On top of the grief, it’s common for some of us to feel betrayal. Betrayal by our government for not protecting us or over protecting us, our fellow citizens for not caring more or doing something differently, our senior care facilities for not protecting our most vulnerable. Betrayal for having any level of certainty of our futures taken from us. The feelings are real and it doesn’t help that people judge others’ grief, compare their losses to others, or try to deny that we are feeling them. 

Grief expert, David Kessler defines grief as the death of something in his new book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. We’ve all lost something - loved ones, a job, a marriage, a friendship - at some point in our lives.  We can’t fall into a trap of ranking our suffering. The worst loss is always your loss, and during this time the loss is more persistent and widespread.  It could be time with friends, the closing of the gym, virtual schools and work, or a favorite restaurant. For others it’s a hug, family celebrations, knowing our elderly parents are struggling and not being able to help. And, yes, it could be the illness or death of a loved one. 

We have to feel the grief.  It’s sad and painful on so many levels - yet, ranking our grief against others’ grief diminishes our feelings. At the very least we have lost our collective health and vitality, and that is no small thing. This experience and our grief will be done with us eventually, but resisting it, denying it, and pretending it isn’t there can make the suffering greater. 

We must acknowledge that how we experience grief is personal. Experts talk about grief being a full body experience, meaning that there are more than just feelings, there are physical symptoms too, and not talking about what we’re experiencing gives it agency over us. There is a perspective that we can lend to one another when we share a collective suffering. We can bear witness to each other’s grief, even when it’s messy. We can be our sister’s keeper. We can begin that process by recognizing it, talking about it, and being willing to name it. Naming it and talking about what we’re feeling is one way to keep grief moving and not postpone what is happening until it begins to affect us from the inside out. 

If we won’t let ourselves feel it, we can’t heal it. The work right now is to go inward to acknowledge those emotions, and then with deep gentleness and grace for ourselves, accept them. The work of tending our grief is very heavy. Accepting what we’re feeling and experiencing as a part of us can help ease that heaviness. Acceptance does not happen all at once, but we can work towards it by expressing it and sharing it with our sisters who are also going through these unprecedented times. As we begin to move through this idea of acceptance, we can create enough space to find a seed that will lead us to new ways to do the things that sustain us and give us vitality. 

We can rationalize that nothing is exactly like what we’re going through now. That grief is inevitable, and most of us have survived grief before. We have experienced grief enough to know that being a companion to grief and the feelings it brings takes courage and a willingness to be vulnerable in sitting with feelings that don’t feel great. There is nothing pleasant about numbness, anger, agitation, sadness or the physical symptoms like appetite changes, insomnia, fatigue, nightmares, anxiety, or depression. But, if we aren’t willing to sit with those feelings, we will risk blocking the harmony of our body, mind, and spirit - the place from where we can learn, gain wisdom, and evolve into the fullest and most brave version of ourselves. 

What we do after acceptance is within us. Kessler talks about gratitude not being in the loss, it is in life. We’re normally all so busy chasing extraordinary moments. Maybe, we’ll find ourselves valuing the ordinary moments going forward. Those ordinary moments will be the ones that hold true meaning. We’ll have the wisdom of experience to know we need not wait to create those meaningful moments. We should be creating them right now, and maybe they will give us enough light that we will acknowledge that even while we’re still grieving, we can experience joy, and it’s ‘normal’ to feel that too. 

We also have great capacity to hold emotions like grief and sorrow and hope and joy, all at the same time. The future is uncertain, and we will be forever changed in ways that are still unknown. But, here’s what we do know. We will be here for each other, we will bear witness to each other’s journeys, and we will share and let go of our burdens together because we belong to one another. That is what connectedness and community bring to us. Even though we’re not as close together as we’d like physically, no one can take that belonging away from us. 

If you or a loved one are struggling with feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or helpless during these times where it is impacting you more significantly than what we share here, please know that you are not alone. We encourage you to access many resources and support groups available online. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America and Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration are just two of the many wonderful resources for anyone significantly struggling to cope during these difficult times. 

Being Feminine and Formidable in Today's World: A Conversation with Sasha Shillcutt, MD

Is it possible to be both feminine and formidable in today’s world? Author Dr. Sasha Shillcutt tells us how in a conversation with the Rumblings community of women over 50.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

The unrealistic expectations and labels that women are forced to carry can cause so much stress, pressure, and anxiety to succeed we can lose touch with the essence of who we really are and what we really want. However, showing up in this world in a way that is authentic can enliven us rather than leave us feeling drained. Like a shopaholic, women often fill space with busyness by taking on more, working harder, taking better care of others while we completely neglect ourselves, and act in ways that hide the very nature of who we are. We keep piling on more and maybe we won’t realize we’re collapsing under the figurative weight of it all. 

Then a moment may come in our lives which acts as a switch. It could be a divorce, kids going off on their own, a retirement, or maybe just the little light inside that lets us know that enough is enough. The point where we know that it’s time to be our authentic selves, no matter the consequences. The point when we realize that we will be criticized, face backlash, or pay the price whether we have tried to make ourselves more invisible or lived a life that is bold, outspoken, driven and assertive. Where we finally have courage to live authentically; being ok with the likelihood of being criticized, disappointing people, and perceived as not ‘likeable’. 

Can we be both feminine and formidable in today’s world? Can we find that unique balance between grit and grace? Those were the questions we discussed during a heartfelt conversation at the first Rumblings live, virtual book club with Sasha K. Shillcutt, MD, MS, author of “Between Grit and Grace: The Art of Being Feminine and Formidable”. 

A group of women courageous enough to be vulnerable with one another came together to share difficult experiences with gender bias, backlash, and the challenge of finding our way to a place where we are able to live authentically. Together we reaffirmed that resetting our mindset, living authentically, connecting with others, and lifting each other up are critical components to flourishing after 50.

Dr. Shillcutt describes how she came to write this book and start her company Brave Enough: 

I was on a set and clear path like most of us in medicine, which led me to burnout in 2013. I was a very busy mom with a [high-level]  position and I realized that what I really had achieved [for] myself was becoming someone that I didn't recognize. As a 16 year old, I was going to be this doctor and it was going to be wonderful. And then I realized wow this is not what I thought it was going to be. I was burned out and trying to think of how I was going to make 25 more years in health care. It scared me that I was so low. I thought of leaving medicine after all the years and time dedicated to learning the practice. I recognized a couple things that I needed to change in my life over the course of a year. When I got to the end of that year, I started spending time with myself and becoming more like my authentic self, as uncomfortable as that was for several people that I worked with and even people that I lived with. 

I recognized at the end of that year that I was incredibly lonely. At the time of my life where I felt I needed the most support from other women, I really had none. So I started a group which grew to what it is now - Brave Enough, my company. And throughout those five years, I recognized that what I experienced in the middle of my life and career was probably very similar to what many women experience. 

We get put in these two silos of either being a really strong woman who is extroverted, ambitious, and authoritative, or collaborators  who are more behind the scenes and maybe a little introverted. We get labeled too. Either we’re described as the woman people want to invite for coffee, but nobody thinks they can lead, even though they're very capable and make great leaders. Or we’re labeled as women who are competent but isolated, and often described with unfriendly words. Sometimes as a woman you find yourself being both of those things at different times. 

A favorite part of the discussion was on maneuvering the balancing act between grit and grace while on the receiving end of unfavorable comments —I’m glad I’m not your husband or your kids or you’re too soft or too meek—  and being able to embrace our feminine side while being the only female on an executive team. Dr. Shillcutt shared the following: 

I've been told so many times the same things.. It's such a bizarre comment that men say. I never know how to respond to that. I'm a very feminine woman. I like very feminine things. I like high heels. I like getting my nails done. I used to hide that. My partners would say things like —I’m going golfing and they would be cheered on. I could say I'm going to get a manicure and somehow I'm not taken seriously in my job. I'm not a serious doctor. I'm not a serious leader. Sadly, it's a double standard. 

It hasn't gotten easier for me. I'm just being honest. I was going to reach this pivotal professorship and everybody was going to accept me as myself. I think it's actually the opposite. The more you excel as a leader, the more expectations people have of you to not get your nails done, wear pink, not wear red shoes, and not care about your grandkids or your kids, or whatever.

It's crazy that people expect men, as they age, to get more compassionate and more into their families. But people expect women to care less about those things. I came to the conclusion that I can be my authentic self and not be liked or I can not be my authentic self and not be liked. So, why wouldn't I just be who I am? 

You will regret not being who you are. What you should focus on is being you. Live true to your values and sleep better at night.

Dr. Shillcutt recommends prioritizing spending time with yourself as being key to tapping into your authenticity: 

Everybody says the same thing when they first spend time with themselves - I don't even know what my priorities are. I don't even know where I would start. I don't have a hobby. I don't even know what I like. I haven't done anything for myself in so many years. They start to get uncomfortable feelings. They feel an overwhelming anxiety being alone. 

As women, we're always somewhere on the path of burnout. We're either stressed and approaching burnout; or we are burned out and getting better; or we're kind of walking along the stress path but moving towards thriving. We just go. We don't want to spend time with ourselves because we don't even want to think about the mess that we are. So we just watch Netflix. Maybe we're scrolling through social media for 30 minutes because we don't want to think about what our priorities are or ask how we're doing internally.  

When I ask women a simple question- when was the last time you had the perfect day? - they often tear up because they start thinking back to when they took a day for themselves. It’s revealing. 

You have to get over that hump of spending time with yourself even when it's uncomfortable and not fun because you realize it's like taking your pulse. You likely haven't taken your pulse in a long, long time and you’re afraid to realize [you’re drowning] and you need to turn some things around. You have to do it. I really encourage people to do it.

She described how to find ways to balance being authentic while helping friends who are feeling beaten down without succumbing to their negativity:

 Especially in 2020 women are being asked to do more than ever, to feel more than ever, and to take on the burden of others. Whenever your own mental health is suffering from interacting with another individual, it's not a healthy relationship no matter how long you've been in it, or how much you love the person. You have to put up some boundaries, otherwise you will get sucked into not wanting to be around the person. 

This is very real in 2020. For example, if you go on social media for 10 minutes, you leave, and then you feel either ashamed, angry, criticized or bad. Then you grieve. I think you have to be really careful right now with your relationships, even those on social media. There's a very fine line between protecting yourself and helping others. If you get to the point where helping others is causing you a lot of anxiety and stress, you're not not protecting yourself. It’s OK to set boundaries and distance yourself from people. 

The books and podcasts that Dr. Shillcutt finds inspiring:  

I love to read. I read Scripture. I find it to be really inspirational in the morning. I also like The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday. It’s important to laugh and sometimes I just read books to laugh. We have to continue to find joy and laughter.

I love podcasts as well.  How I Built This with Guy Raz is an entrepreneur podcast. I listen to that almost every week. I also listen to Unlocking Us with Brene Brown, The Alli Worthington Show with Alli Worthington, and Lead to Win with Michael Hyatt.

I am also very careful on who I follow on social media. I don't follow people who are really negative, even if they’re close friends of mine. 

What will it take for women to rise to a level where we no longer have to deal with the backlash? Dr. Shillcutt explains:    

I think two things have to happen. First, women need to be wherever decisions are made. If decisions are being made in any workforce or in any community and women are not at the table, nothing will change. The second thing that has to happen is we have to accept one another for who we are. If a woman is getting passionate about something, she's probably an expert in it. She's getting passionate because she knows about it. I will make it my goal to amplify another woman, even if I don't necessarily like her. I want to empower the voices of women in the room. 

Women have to be where decisions are being made, and quite frankly, if you look at healthcare, we're only in 8% of decision makers. And why do you think we're in the mess that we're in, right? We know from the Gallup studies that when women are at the table, women tend to think of other people not in the room. Men don't do that, bless their hearts. We need women at the table to be thinking of the downstream effects of these decisions. And, I am really passionate about that.

We have to have women in leadership, and that means we as women need to support women leaders. Even if we don't know them, just support them in general because it's hard to be a woman in leadership. It really is.

 In summary, we need to collectively recognize that we have the right to take up space wherever we happen to be. Each time we make ourselves smaller or more invisible, we portray a false notion of what women are supposed to be and do. If we can find our internal voice and be our authentic selves as a collective, we can shift cultures and change norms. 

There is strength in numbers. Hopefully a freeness emerges when recognizing we are not alone after finally beginning to share our experiences with others.  We’ve all experienced the repercussions for being authentic to the point where it either forces us to make ourselves smaller or emboldens us - of which neither may be authentic. Here are a few highlights that hit home for us:

• Confidence is contagious

• Amplify other women - it’s courageous to show up every day and emotionally dealing with potential bullying and retaliation for being your authentic self

• Encourage yourself - be your inner fangirl, and be the fangirl for others

• Gift yourself grace - give yourself margin to fail, or to be less than perfect

• You are enough - you have worthiness just as you are

• Have a growth mindset - our resilience and our ability to bounce back stronger is what leads to success.

• You are not alone - others have had the similar experiences

If you haven’t already, follow us on social media - Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and LinkedIn. Let’s amplify our messages so more women can benefit from this collective community. Be sure to join our email list to be the first to hear about upcoming events. 

We can’t wait to spend more time with you and want to hear your ideas on content and the discussions we need to have with one another. Reach out and send us a note!

Rumble On!

Karyn and Rebecca

Together Women Over 50 Create Transformative Change

“Together we need to disrupt the status quo for  women over 50 and replace it with something that is new, bolder, and bodacious for the prime time of our lives. We do this while remembering with gratitude all the phenomenal women that came before us as we carry forward a strong desire to create a new path for the women who will follow. Together we will create a rumbling which will become a movement for a transformative change through action. “ – Karyn Entzion, Rumblings Co-founder

Entering into my 50s the story that I told myself was that I had ‘arrived’. With an empty nest, a new job, and a move across the country to a new city, I glamorized that  this would be the time to focus on myself, thrive, and grow in new ways. I believed my accomplishments at work, raising a son, being active in my community, as well as the strides that women had made in equality would position me better than ever. The thing was, I was so busy living my life, working, taking care of family and holding it all together that I didn’t really understand how society viewed me, as a woman, transitioning to a new stage of my life. 

What I discovered was that the world found many subtle ways to tell me ‘no’ and put me on notice to expect a professional and personal decline after 50 because I was becoming less relevant. Society finds hundreds of subtle ways to tell women of a certain age that we’re not relevant, not attractive, and less deserving, regardless of our prior accomplishments. At a time when men are viewed as being at the peak of their careers and earning potential and described as ‘distinguished’, it’s suggested that women retreat and fade into the background. 

Consequently, I found myself in a situation where I was bullied and gaslighted at work by my male boss, lived far away from home without family, friends, and lacked a strong social support to boost my confidence and morale. And, still I persevered, determined to push through believing if I tried harder all would be well. After leaving that company and going into yet another role with tremendous gender bias, where women weren’t promoted beyond a certain level. I was often told to be ‘softer’ while my male peers were praised for exhibiting the same behaviors, I had enough, was burned out and exhausted and left. 

I was deflated, beaten down, and emotionally spent. Once a confident, self-assured, comfortable in my own skin woman, I felt diminished. For decades I had put aside my fear of not belonging to hold steadfast to maintain my self worth and sense of integrity. This often elicited a response of criticism, unfair judgments from others that often included backlash of varying degrees. I was broken and battle weary.  I was in a pit and unable to see a way to climb out of it. It was my friends who bolstered me up, and convinced me it was time to quit. They gave a new view that was unfiltered. It gave me the assurance that it would be possible to find a career where I could be my authentic self and find true belonging. I felt wonderful and more myself than I had in many years once I started on my new, healthier path. Yet, many people saw it as fanciful or flighty, and a failure and discouraged me. It’s difficult to move forward when people you care about try to talk you out of doing what you know you must in order to be your whole self. 

We should all turn to friends who prop us up and help us regain our strength in these situations, and I was no different. I spent a lot of time reflecting and talking with other women about the idea of ‘failure’, and how society views women, very differently than how we see ourselves. This is even more true for those of us over 50. Almost every woman I spoke with had a version of a story of coming up against a real or subtle wall of resistance from either society or others trying to tell us to accept that we’re in a decline of some sort. All these women seemed to have paid a great price whether they made themselves smaller in life, or carried battle scars from the hurt that comes with judgment for being authentic. 

Conversely, many women I spoke with voiced feelings that they were just beginning to come into their own understanding of the meaning of their lives. Their sense of purpose was greater than their fear of failing. As a result, it became impossible to accept the false story others had been telling us. Our narrative is one of beginning rather than the one of ‘decline’ others are trying to get us to accept. 

Collectively, many women express an unwillingness to let go of their dreams because other people and society at large were telling them they should. Is it possible that the opposers fear the power of the collective purpose and the strength of our experienced voices? 

We have transitioned to the best part of our lives, not the decline. In fact, we’re coming into the prime time of our lives. This is not the time to let false voices of authority talk us out of the boldness of our ability to unfold the vision of the rest of our lives.

I began to recognize that while I had established friendships with other women in the background of my life, I needed a deeper social connection more than ever before. From these experiences, I’ve come to realized several key things about meaningful connections with other women:

• We’re not alone in what we’re feeling or experiencing. 

• We can magnify our collective voices - we’re stronger together. 

• Supporting each other and learning from one another helps us achieve our dreams.

• Sharing in a collective experience for the remarkable accomplishments yet to be attained fosters purpose, belonging, joy, and gratitude. It feels good! 

And, perhaps most importantly, the understanding is real that we need to establish these deep connections now. At this time and in this place in our lives. We’re starting to see the impact that solitude and loneliness has on our parents in their later years due to the absence of deep friendships. 

This is why we’ve started Rumblings. Together we need to disrupt the status quo for  women over 50 and replace it with something that is new, bolder, and bodacious for the prime time of our lives. 

We do this while remembering with gratitude all the phenomenal women that came before us as we carry forward a strong desire to create a new path for the women who will follow. 

Together we will create a rumbling which will become a movement for a transformative change through action. 

We’re excited about this journey, and we hope you’ll come with us so we can Rumble together!

Karyn

Coming Around the Table During COVID

It’s an unprecedented time. It’s normal to lose sight of our current blessings amidst the upheaval of our lives.  

Like many of you, additional young adults have descended on our home since March—one for a few weeks during an apartment transition and another for months as he finished his sophomore year in college.  Those two, plus the two still at home, add in the two Morkies, and we’ve had a full house.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved the chaos, conversation, and unexpected reality from the entire family unit being under one roof once again. As the grocery bill skyrocketed and screams of — “There’s nothing to eat” — resonated throughout the house, it felt like a little bit of normalcy during a trying time. 

After weeks into quarantined life, we were sitting around the table sharing a family meal when I realized that no one was jumping up from the table the minute their plate was empty. Conversations were growing more robust and lasting for longer and longer each night, until one evening my college student proclaimed, “Family dinners are great!” 

As restrictions have loosened over time, more and more often I join friends in backyards or on outdoor restaurant patios for dinner dates. Amongst the mask mandate and new safety precautions, it is a few hours to listen, share, connect, and catch-up. Those few hours bring happiness and joy to my week.

It’s easy to lose sight of the value of coming around the table to share a meal with family or friends when we’re busy and running from one activity to the next. If there is a shining moment in the middle of a pandemic, it may be the beauty of friends, families, neighbors, and colleagues slowing down to truly experience the power of conversation, awareness of what and how much we’re eating, true connection over food, or joy of uninterrupted time. 

Research has shown the health and wellbeing benefits of meals with family and friends:

• Lower rates of depression 

• Lower rates of substance abuse, teen pregnancy, as well as higher grade-point averages and self-esteem

• Lower rates of obesity and eating disorders

• Better family functioning, including connectedness, cohesion, and communication

And if that’s not enough, studies have shown that people make healthier food choices (e.g. more fruits and vegetables) the more often they sit down for meals. 

So I am stopping to appreciate the opportunity for my family to come together around the table for a meal every evening without distractions. I am slowing down and appreciating the long conversations with friends over food and drink. I am taking time to ask more questions, debate current events, and listen deeply to the opinions of others even when they differ from my own. And, when we’re back to “normal” and our evenings are full of scheduled events once again, I am making it a goal to prioritize meals, around a table, full of conversation and connection. It’s good for my spirit and soul. 

Rumble on…

Rebecca

Turning 50 Inspires A New Business

Welcome to Rumblings! Today marks our first official day online. We’ve been working for months behind the scenes in preparation for the official launch of an idea that started percolating years ago. 

We hope you’re inspired to join our community of women on a journey to learn, connect, and inspire one another to flourish after 50.

Why Rumblings? We’ve spent decades talking to women who are struggling with the same unrealistic standards of staying young, fit, and winkle-free.  During this time, we’ve listened and heard women, from every walk of life, describe feeling undervalued, invisible, and less confident as they’ve grown older. When we turned 50, we started to experience similar feelings.  We quickly realized that this had to change. Women needed science-based effective tools and resources to guide them in aging well. 

No woman wants to be in the prime of her life feeling inadequate for failing to live up to unrealistic and unattainable social standards. Heck no, we want to flourish through our 50s and beyond.  To find resources, we scoured the web for online communities that support aging well and found what we were looking for didn’t exist for women our age. Raging with frustration, we started to RUMBLE! 

We understood how it feels to struggle with these unrealistic social norms and we knew how unsettling it was to feel like it shouldn’t be this way. We’ve spent over 30 years in the wellness and healthcare industries designing and delivering solutions to improve health and wellbeing for men and women of all ages. 

Rumblings seemed like a reasonable next step in our careers and a natural union of expertise. Rebecca, a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist, and Karyn, an Exercise Physiologist, met more than 25 years ago, early in our careers in the wellness and healthcare industries, and are thrilled to reunite to launch a business to help women on their journey of living and aging well. 

Rumblings, a supportive community for women over 50, is on a mission to help women:

•  Reset their mindset

•  Live inside out 

•  Listen, learn and connect with other women 

•  Advocate for and inspire change so generations behind us never feel the same way 

We’ve brought our expertise, along with our decades of professional experience, together to create a platform to lift up, change the conversation (#sherumbles), and help women live well and flourish after 50.  

We’re so happy you joined us on this aging well journey. Please introduce yourself and join the conversation over on Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest.  Stay connected by subscribing to our blog here and signing up for our newsletter here.

We created this platform for you and look forward to serving you with the resources and support you need. 

Together we Rumble,

Karyn and Rebecca