On Monday, February 13, at 7:31 pm, I (Rebecca) got the text no parent ever wants to receive. “MSU police report shots fired. An incident occurring on or near the East Lansing campus. Secure-in-place immediately. Run. Hide. Fight.” 

At that point, I wasn’t too concerned but worried enough that I texted my Michigan State University sophomore son to check-in. Fortunately, he was safe off campus. I called a few minutes later, and to my surprise, he had walked back to his dorm right into the chaos of the mass shooting situation. He made it safely to his room and, with his roommate, moved two dressers against the door and listened to the police dispatch radio as they watched hundreds of police descend on campus outside their window. And they prayed for a friend who had gone to work and was in the Memorial Union, one of the shooting scenes.

Our family was glued to the television for hours, feeling helpless over 600 miles away. Three students were tragically killed that evening, five were seriously injured, and more than 50,000 students, faculty, friends, and family members were impacted. Sadly, my son’s good friend in the Memorial Union was one of the victims killed.

Our family is not alone in suddenly experiencing the unexpected. Over the last year, I have been working with a University of Minnesota research team. We analyzed data from families participating in a seven-month obesity prevention intervention. The team was surprised by how many families experienced a significant life event during the program. The families described these life events as interfering with their ability to follow through on their healthy lifestyle goals. They were derailed and didn’t have the personal skills to get back on track quickly. In other words, many people don’t have the resiliency skills to help them reset after a setback, life event, or trauma. 

What is resiliency?

Not surprisingly, I have been contemplating the concept of resilience.

• What is it?

• How do we build it?

• How do we activate it during trauma or significant life events?

• How do we live with grit, tenacity, and mental strength and use our healthy lifestyles to support us during challenging times?

• How do we teach and model resiliency for others, like our children?

Last week, Michigan State University offered a virtual event for parents with Dr. James Henry, co-founder and project director for the Western Michigan University Children’s Trauma Assessment Center. He defined resiliency as the ability to overcome adversity and trauma and build the capacity to heal.

Whether you’re facing significant trauma or minor life events—things can get in the way of following through on healthy behaviors. As a result, you may feel like cocooning, escaping, or reaching for things that give your comfort (e.g., food and alcohol). These feelings are normal.

We all experience the unexpected—sometimes, we get thrown off track for a few weeks, and sometimes we get knocked down for longer (e.g., COVID). The ultimate goal is to develop and deploy resiliency skills to overcome uncertainty, helplessness, stress, and trauma. I am not a psychologist or a trauma expert. I recommend seeking help when you feel stuck and are experiencing physical symptoms.

However, I can share tips that helped me the last few weeks and tips that assisted other women Karyn and I have worked with during their midlife behavior change journeys.

How do you build resiliency skills?

• Start thinking about your healthy lifestyle—eating well, exercising, getting adequate sleep, and managing stress— as keys to helping you build resiliency when life is going smoothly. Suppose you believe your healthy lifestyle enables you to feel better and have more energy. In that case, you’re more likely to believe in your ability to engage in healthy behaviors during challenging times. You’re also more likely to view those behaviors as tools to help you versus seeing them as another thing to do when you don’t feel your best.

• Set up your environment to support you during good times and unexpected challenges. Stock your pantry with healthy foods. Fill your refrigerator with fruits and vegetables. Bookmark gentle movement videos to pull out when you need to relax and unwind. Set your bedroom up to be a sanctuary for sleep and comfort. Your surroundings can make it easier to maintain healthy practices during challenging times. 

• Recall past experiences. Think back to previous challenges in your life. How did you overcome those? What coping strategies did you use? Write down how you dealt with hardships in the past. Reflect on these past experiences when you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed.

• Remember, getting off track with your lifestyle goals is ok. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself time to move through the challenges. Being resilient means getting back on track slowly, one day at a time when you feel ready. When you’ve prepared for the unexpected, it will be easier to get back on track.

• Move your body in healing ways. Your movement choices may look different—a walk versus a run, a stretch instead of heavy-strength training, or deep breathing or meditation instead of a strenuous workout. Do what feels right. Moving will help you feel better both physically and mentally.

• Reach for nourishing foods to support you as you move through your challenges. Doing this will give you the energy and focus on facing uncertainty.

• Seek connection. When you’re ready, talk about your feelings and what you’ve been through with others. Strength is in togetherness.

• Be hopeful. Challenges require moving through the unexpected and feeling what you’re experiencing. However, feeling confident you’ll be ok will help you adapt as needed.

• Model resiliency skills. Engage in healthy behaviors during difficult times as you’re able. Talk about modifications you made to your routine to support yourself. Share your actions and feelings with others around you. Share the what, why, and how you’re using your resiliency skills to help you through a difficult time. 

• See yourself as a resilient person. Anytime you associate a behavior as part of your identity (e.g., I am a voter versus I vote), you will be more likely to act that way when the time arises. 

We all face life events and unexpected challenges that impact our daily routines. The hope is that we can overcome the setbacks and realize our healthy lifestyle can support us through challenging times and help us handle hard situations with more energy and focus. These are skills that we can help others, like our children, build too, and during challenging times we can model resilient behaviors. These skills give us faith that we can walk through even the most challenging aspects of life. Living well requires resiliency, and as we get older, we may need to rely on these skills more often than we have in the past. 

Let’s Rumble with resilience!