Recognizing Midlife Challenges: Ladies, you’re not alone!

Fashion After 50, A Fashion Week MN Event. Photo credit: G. Marie Images

“Right after your breakdown is your breakthrough.” – Trent Shelton 

Do any of the following midlife challenges sound familiar? Weight changes, including changes in your physical body shape, loss of strength and balance, or changes in your metabolism. 

We’ve been surveying women since 2021; those were the most common challenges they shared experience in midlife. 

Women also told us about feeling achy, having pain, and experiencing a lack of stamina or fatigue. All of which interfered with achieving their exercise and fitness goals. Eating healthfully and getting adequate sleep were also on the list. 

They also shared difficulties staying connected and engaged with friends (or the loss of friends) and family due to life transitions. The lack of connection was often described as feelings of loneliness. 

Women also felt torn between managing grown children, aging parents, and not having enough personal time to care for themselves.

Financial stress and feeling prepared for retirement were also reported as challenges. 

The list challenge list continued, although not as many women reported the following:

• Feeling stressed

• Getting healthcare professionals to listen

• Being self-compassionate

• Enjoying life without guilt

• Feeling invisible

• Experiencing ageism at work

• Having anxiety

• Dressing for age

• Increasing disease risks

• Finding purpose

How do you feel when you hear the challenges and struggles of other midlife women? Do they resonate with you? 

Sharing this list is not to overwhelm you with midlife challenges you may or may not be experiencing but to help you see YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Midlife is a time of transition, and with transition and changes come challenges. Our bodies are changing. Our kids are leaving home. Our parents are aging. Our friendship groups are changing and evolving. We may be reassessing what we want during this phase of our careers. Many women ask themselves, ”What is my purpose, and what should my life look like for the next decades?” 

Experiencing these challenges that come with midlife are common than most women believe them to be. And the difficulties faced during this time are natural too. It’s time to normalize, talk, and share the realities of midlife and lean on each other as we learn to position ourselves to live vibrantly. We can and should flourish through our 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, and beyond! 

The good news is that we can overcome the new challenges of midlife! With the right tips, tools, and techniques, you can tackle these challenges and live your best life! 

Here’s what you can do to overcome your midlife challenges:

1. Write down the challenges you face in midlife. Be very specific. It is not an exercise about wallowing in our challenges but recognizing them to address them. 

2. Keep your list visible. Add to the list throughout the week. 

3. Sign-up to receive our bi-weekly email newsletter. In each email, we provide tips, tools, and techniques for overcoming challenges and creating lasting change in your life. 

4. Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn, where we provide additional tips and talk about living vibrantly together.

5. Review your list frequently. Develop a plan to tackle one or two of the most pressing challenges you are experiencing.  

6. Take small steps every day to address your challenges. 

Most importantly, you’re not alone. We’re on this journey together, and at Rumblings, we believe women can and should flourish after 50!

Our Tip to Banish the Midlife Blues

I (Rebecca) am writing this post while sitting in the emergency room at our local hospital. Sometimes it feels like the fog of the COVID pandemic is lifting, and life is slowly getting back to normal. Then there are times, like today, I am reminded that suffering and pandemic challenges continue for many people.  

Karyn and I often speak about the heaviness we sense when we spend too much time watching the news, scrolling through social media, or focusing on the lost moments of the last two years. It can all feel too divisive, overwhelming, and confrontational versus conversational. 

The world has changed in ways that we haven’t experienced before and will likely never return to the same ‘normal’ we lived before March 2020. We’ve changed too. And all of the uncertainty and change has left many of us languishing (living in a state of decreased vitality or blah) or feeling blue. 

Getting out of feeling this way will not happen by flipping a switch or willing ourselves to be joyful, happy, hopeful, and vibrant. There isn’t a perfect timeline for resilience. None of our experiences are the same. Some of us will need to sit with our feelings and emotions and process them longer than others. 

What has helped us feel better when we’re feeling this way—is turning off the news, filtering our social media accounts, assessing who we’re spending time with, and connecting with other midlife women to have honest conversations about what we’re feeling. 

Looking back over the last two years and creating a list of things that have changed our lives for the better has also helped us see the beauty in the season we’ve been through. The process has helped us see we’ve created changes in our lives that we’re proud of and bring us joy and are ones we will continue. It is a list we reflect on when we feel ourselves languishing. 

Here’s part of our list:

We edited our homes to support our health and well-being. Our family added an infra-red sauna in an unused section of our furnace room. Initially, we were worried it would be another household fad; however, we’ve found that the entire family is still reaping the benefits two years later. Karyn outfitted a fantastic outdoor space into an oasis to soak up the sun, relax, and entertain. 

We reconfirmed our need and enjoyment of daily gentle movement outdoors. We looked for quick ways to exercise due to our busy schedules during our intense executive careers. The pandemic helped us slow down, get outdoors on long walks, and appreciate the benefits of nature again. 

We reviewed how we want to live our lives. Yes, we launched Rumblings during the pandemic. It wasn’t easy, but the ‘extra’ time helped us dig deep into our personal ‘why,’ our talents, and who we wanted to serve as we age. We want to help midlife women feel valued, seen, heard, and vibrant. 

We reconnected with friends and family on a deeper level. We had deep, meaningful, and sometimes challenging conversations with those we care about without the chaos of sports schedules, work engagements, and life events. We relaxed. We listened. We grew.

We realized that facing adversity and missing out on meaningful moments such as graduations, weddings, and funerals, made us refocus, reflect, and reframe how we celebrate. We uncovered creativity we hadn’t used in a while and celebrated loved ones in new ways that created new memories. 

We rediscovered our love for growing and nurturing plants! My 16-year-old son recently asked me how many plants I had pre-pandemic (2) and how many I have now (28). I’ve realized that growing (and eating) plants bring me joy. Both Karyn and I also started growing veggies in pots and raised garden beds, a hobby that we put aside while we were both busy working and raising kids. Each year we’ve expanded our harvest! 

We learned. Karyn and I both are learners. We feel inspired, more energetic, and excited when we’re learning, whether through online webinars, events, conversations, or classes (most recently, Pickleball!). Learning doesn’t have to stop at a certain age. As our kids have grown, we have more time to learn new things and experience life in different ways! 

We’ve also learned we want to continue to support this fantastic community through tips, tools, and techniques that can help ourselves and others in midlife. One of these tools is resetting our mindsets to focus on gratitude, as we did with this list. Although some people can reset their mindset and take action to change how they feel quickly, for others, it takes more time. There is no ‘right’ timeline. We are each on our own journey. 

As organizational psychologist and best-selling author Adam Grant, Ph.D., wrote recently— “Strength is not the speed of your recovery. It’s the intensity of your resolve.”

Creating this list and reflecting on the last two years helped us feel grateful, content, and ok. Our inventory is not meant to be a comparison list for your evolution over the previous few years. It is intended to serve as an example to show and remind ourselves we have experienced joy, fulfillment, and positive change in our lives to carry into the future. Making this list, reflecting on it, celebrating change, and being grateful, helped us feel better. It served as a reminder that even when things happening in the world around us seems bleak, it’s possible to experience the full range of human emotion. 

The process has helped me feel better as I process the many medical challenges my family has faced over the last couple of months. 

We encourage you to make your own list, find joy and feel gratitude for the experiences, growth, and changes you have been through.

If you’re looking for more inspiration to reset your mindset in midlife check out earlier blog posts on finding a mindset reset and cultivating a reset mindset. 

Together we RUMBLE!

5 Ways to Embrace the Senior Discount

There is no category for midlife between young adults and seniors. Although AARP membership is open to adults 50 years or older and stores senior discounts often begin at 55, midlife women don’t think or feel like senior citizens. Plus, businesses and organizations aren’t effectively talking to midlife women in advertising, marketing campaigns, and customer service initiatives in a way that matches how we feel. This can take a toll on how women think about themselves as we age. Read our five ways to reset our midlife mindset to age well, and embrace the senior discount!

Last week a Walgreens employee nicely and appropriately asked me (Rebecca) if I qualified for the senior discount. Caught off guard, I responded, “How old do I have to be to quality?” She said, “55!” I wasn’t sure if I should be thrilled I didn’t qualify or disappointed I missed out on 20 percent off my purchase. 

Karyn and I often talk about the lack of a category for midlife between young adults and seniors. Although AARP membership is open to adults 50 years or older and, as we’re starting to learn, store discounts begin at 55 years old, we’re not senior citizens (often defined as over the age of 62).

With improved knowledge on prevention and new scientific discoveries around longevity, we would also argue that those standards should even be older. Why does it matter? Businesses and organizations aren’t effectively talking with us in advertising, marketing campaigns, and customer service initiatives in a way that matches how we feel. This can take a toll on how we think about ourselves as we age.

Although I am working on it, these confrontations can do a number on my mindset, which is usually pro-aging! That day, I walked out of Walgreens thinking that my wrinkles, hair, and lack of make-up must be screaming that I am old. Why else would she ask me about the discount? 

Luckily with the work we’re doing at Rumblings, I recognized my spiraling mindset and redirected my thoughts to how great I felt before I walked through the Walgreens door, having just finished a weight workout and a kale salad lunch. I quickly refocused my internal conversation to reflect that this woman was only trying to save me money rather than comment on my age or appearance. 

How do you reset your mindset when you feel too old, invisible, or undervalued? 

Try these five resets to swap positive thoughts for negative ones. 

Recognize your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

Honor how you’re feeling. Sit with it. Be present. Is your internal chatter leading you down a positive path? Are these thoughts and feelings giving you energy or sapping essential resources? Is your reaction a pattern? So many of our responses are hardwired we don’t recognize how misaligned they are with our values. Aging is a good thing. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey.

Identify why you’re feeling this way.

Why are these negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions prioritized over positive ones? What can you learn from how you’re feeling to help you react differently? What was your trigger? My trigger at Walgreens was the word “senior” preceding the discount and the images I have about being seen as a senior citizen too soon. Reflect on your responses and write them down. 

Redirect your thoughts.

Think about alternative views you could swap for your current reaction to a comment or situation. How would different responses align better with your values? After I walked out of the Walgreen’s door, I realized I had let one question impact how I was feeling at that moment. My reaction was not aligned with my core beliefs and value of wanting to age well with vibrancy and positivity. I needed to redirect my thoughts to how I wanted to feel. I did that by reflecting on how I felt before walking into the store and how I could get back to those feelings.  

Practice how you will respond differently next time you’re in a similar situation.

Visualize your new reactions. Play them over in your mind. Practice how it could play out differently with a friend. How do these new reactions make you feel? The more you do this, the more likely you will naturally respond differently next time. 

Reignite.

We often talk about reigniting ourselves in midlife because the reality is we want to honor our age, learn from our experiences, and regenerate the spark that may have dimmed as a result of the anti-aging messages we receive daily in society. This takes practice. Stepping into how you want to live is necessary. Don’t hold yourself back based on society’s expectations. Just do it. Reset and reignite today! 

Next time I walk into Walgreen’s on senior discount day, I’ll be ready to embrace my age and ask for the discount because no matter how it is communicated, I am thankful, grateful, and saving money!

This process isn’t easy, but going through it is necessary to reset our mindset to feel great and live well as we age. Showing up as our authentic, vibrant, and true selves can also begin to shift the norms of how society views midlife women. 

Let’s RUMBLE, embrace our age, live well, and flourish together!  

Learn more about resetting your mindset through gratitude, fun, intention, and joy here.