Live Well as You Age with These 4 Tips to Reset Your Mindset

We now have evidence that the brain is malleable. What this means is by learning new skills, changing current behaviors, and modifying lifelong habits for better health, you can halt cognitive decline as you age — even into your later years.

Live Well As You Age with These 4 Tips to Reset Your Mindset

You’ve done it before - picked up a new hobby, learned a new skill for work, or started a new morning routine. It’s not always easy to learn something new or change an existing behavior, especially as you get older. All humans are actually hardwired to resist change, but the younger generations generally find it easier to change than those of us in our prime time. 

The reality is that getting out of your comfort zone, learning something, and adopting a new behavior (or two) is actually good for your brain health and has been shown to increase happiness. There is evidence that the brain is malleable. What this means is by learning new skills, changing current behaviors, and modifying lifelong habits for better health, you can halt cognitive decline as you age - even into your later years. 

The story of decline in aging you’ve been told isn’t true. Successful aging requires a
change-is-good mindset, the desire to learn, and a progress, not perfection attitude.      

Get Started with these four mindset reset tips listed below. 

Create a Gratitude Mindset

A gratitude journal is a wonderful way to reset your mindset. By focusing on what you are grateful for, you'll open yourself up to experiencing an abundance of emotional, social, professional, and health benefits.

If you’re already in the practice of writing down what you’re grateful for, try taking your journaling a step further. Make one of your points of gratitude everyday descriptive about someone else and what they've done for you, so that not only are you grateful for your own life, but you also recognize the people in your life and how they contribute to your success and wellbeing. Then challenge yourself to spread gratitude to improve someone else's day.

Send the person you recognized in your journal a note to let them know how grateful you are for them and the impact they have had on your life. Think of the lives you can impact by committing to sending just one message a day! 

Adopt a Fun Mindset

Rebecca’s high school boys had their high school finals coming up  in one week. She realized that her freshman would be experiencing high school finals for the first time and might be feeling added pressure.

When she asked him how he was feeling about finals’ week, he replied, “I am so excited; preparing for finals is fun.” 

Fun and finals weren’t the two words she expected to hear in the same sentence, but she was glad to hear he wasn’t stressed and overwhelmed. 

Fun was his mindset which was making the process of preparing enjoyable and exciting. 

What if you took this approach and reset your mindset when you had something stressful coming up in your life? What if, instead of an automatic response of being overwhelmed, you looked at a stressful event as something fun to be excited about? What if you focused on the process of learning being fun and took the pressure of the results off yourself? 

Give it a try. A reset mindset towards fun can help change your perspective quickly and your life may even feel more fun! 

Build an Intentional Mindset to Change for Good

Like many of you, we started 2021 by setting intentions and a word as our guide for what we want to give attention to over the next 12 months.Transitioning our desired behaviors into lifelong habits is part art, part awareness, daily work, and a whole lot of science.

A place to start is with proven strategies or ‘how tos’ on changing behavior for good. 

We all have patterns of behaviors that we fall back on when we're feeling vulnerable, helpless, angry, stressed or alone. These can be choices that feel more comfortable than sitting still with our emotions. In reality, the only thing that behaviors done mindlessly do is cast a shadow inhibiting our ability to live wholeheartedly. These mindless behaviors give us a false and fleeting sense of soothing and comfort. 

One reason we advocate for sitting still and going inward is the process helps you be mindful about the intentions behind your behavior choices. There are no checklists to identify mindless and comfort behaviors, but self reflection allows you to identify them for yourself. 

Here is one question you can ask yourself that may help. 

Do my choices comfort and nourish my spirit and contribute to my ability to live inside out and flourish, or are they a temporary respite from life?   

Be intentional and identifying red flag personal behavior patterns to help you stay mindful on the path to reaching your goals. For example, if you automatically reach for the sweets after dinner, try going for a short walk instead. 

Being intentional is a mindset. Intention can create awareness around habitual behaviors and help you create change for good. 

Seek a Joyful Mindset

Aging well and flourishing after 50 doesn't require a lengthy to do list or lofty goals. 

Focus on the joy in the journey! 

Do things that nourish you from the inside out. 

Here is where we have found joy the last few months:

• Participate in gentle movement like yoga or meditation

• Walk, ski, or snowshoe in nature 

• Have a conversation with a friend

• Enjoy a wholesome meal with family or friends

• Read a thought-provoking book 

• Listen to an intriguing podcast

• Have a conversation with someone who holds a differing view-point, listen, and seek to understand

• Plan a staycation

• Enjoy the extra time at home to do a puzzle or play a game

By resetting your mindset to focus on the pleasure found in the moment versus what you’re not able to do right now, you’ll discover the joy in so many new experiences in your life. Plus, it can help you positively navigate your life during these stressful times. It’s certainly helped us.

Discover a YOU-First Mindset

Does the recommendation of putting yourself first make you cringe just a little bit? For many of us it certainly does — especially for women. 

Stay with us here. As we’ve aged, we’ve grown tired of trying to live up to someone else’s expectation of who we should be, how we should act, and what we should look like as we age. For many of us, these external expectations create stress in our lives and have become an unrealistic burden that we’re trying unsuccessfully to live up to.  

The reality is you get to decide and write your personal story. And, in doing so you will soften your mind, have greater clarity, and calmness as you evolve closer to your truer and more authentic self.

This is hard work. Society will tell you the goal is to be ageless, instead focus on loving yourself as you are and live age free. 

How to begin? Go inward daily. Set your intentions. Do frequent check-ins to catch yourself if you get off track. Live. Love. Flourish. 

At Rumblings, our philosophy is this...we must reset our mindset in order to live the life of our dreams.  

By focusing on gratitude, intention, joy, and YOU, you can reset your mindset to flourish as you age!  

Rumble On!

Rebecca and Karyn

The Ultimate Revelation of Cultivating a Reset Mindset

Each of us gets to decide and write our personal story. And, in doing so we will soften our mind, have greater clarity, and calmness as we evolve closer to our truer and more authentic selves. The result is a life full of wholeheartedness. 

By this time in our lives, we have all been through a lot of challenges and triumphs. We’ve experienced despair, disappointment, and grief in addition to many moments of joy. 

People say ‘things that don’t kill you make you stronger.’ 

Yet, hearing that and feeling like we have to be strong implies that we have to live up to someone else’s expectation. That then becomes our burden and we carry it around with us forever. 

“I am not who you think I am; I am not who I think I am; I am who I think you think I am”

~ Thomas Cooley

It’s time to give ourselves permission to shed those external expectations that do not serve a true purpose in our lives. All those burdens and expectations we carry around only hold us back, and weigh us down. They may even start to feel comfortable and safe. 

As we go through life, we take on others’ expectations. For example, we often play roles at work representing who we think we should be. In our personal lives, it may be smaller things that diminish our confidence or belief in our value. 

We’ve become so accustomed to them we don’t even realize we’re receiving those messages. Just think of all of the messages women our age receive focused on our external appearance - how to look younger, stay thin, and have flawless hair and makeup. We likely even have built-up feelings of shame/guilt due to not feeling like we can live up to these ideals we've taken on over time. Even worse, some of us still carry the burden of having suffered abuse and trauma. 

We don these beliefs like we’re dressing for a northern winter day outdoors when we don’t know the weather forecast - adding layer upon layer of gear until we can barely move. The problem is, when we never fully take the layers off, they weigh us down until we no longer remember what it feels like to be free from it all. 

Having a goal, making a resolution, setting an intention are all worthy endeavors. Yet, what is going to really make a difference and help us make changes in our lives is cultivating a reset mindset. 

Instead of adding one more layer to our already layered up stuff we’re carrying around, we have to shed some layers to get closer to discovering what is underneath it all.  We need to rid ourselves of all the layers that have either served their purpose, are no longer adding value, or we never wanted in the first place. 

We’ve learned many things from our life experiences. It’s time to begin to shed those layers of burdens, expectations, undesired roles, and past microtraumas. 

The place to start is for each of us to spend time with ourselves in stillness, whether in nature, walking, yoga, or meditation to let our inner awareness reveal the things that are no longer serving us. 

As we begin to shed those things that no longer serve us or have purpose, it helps to reveal the core of what is inside - and our truth. We need to tell that truth and live it, even when others may not always like it. 

It’s our life, no one else’s, and letting those layers of ‘stuff’ go leaves space for the things that do serve us. This process is an evolution. We need to find time to periodically ask ourselves who we are becoming and how that changes what is important to us. 

That is what it means to cultivate a reset mindset. As we learn and experience life we are constantly shedding the layers of things that no longer serve us to make space for the new things that do. We are not required to keep stuff that no longer - or maybe never did - suit us. We also don’t have to put that layer on in the first place if it doesn’t add value. Each of us gets to decide and write our personal story. And, in doing so we will soften our mind, have greater clarity, and calmness as we evolve closer to our truer and more authentic selves. The result is a life full of wholeheartedness. 

Over the next few months, our email newsletter will focus on teaching the tips, tools, and techniques for living with a reset mindset. If you haven’t signed up for our email newsletter, you can do so here. 

Rumble On!

Rebecca and Karyn

You know that feeling you can't shake? It's grief.

The human experience includes pain and suffering, but we know that it’s not the full story. There is love, resilience, beauty and grace within that as well. If you don’t tell both pieces of that story, then you’re not telling the full story.

~Elizabeth Gilbert, excerpted from a TED interview.

Almost everyone we speak with these days is feeling something really uncomfortable. And, for those not able to express themselves, those feelings come out in ways that give people close to them pause, knowing that they’re not acting like themselves. 

We all feel it. The sense that this is not normal, it’s gone on too long, and the things that keep us steady, grounded and tethered, just aren’t there any more. The heaviness, the agitation, anger, sadness, annoyance - any emotion you can think of - people are feeling. It’s time to be vulnerable and name this collective ‘thing’ we’re all feeling. It’s grief. We’re all at different places in processing it, but we’re all grieving on some level. 

Every single one of us has lost something. Let that sink in for a moment. No one has been spared, and as time has crawled on, it is dawning on us that the world we used to live in is gone forever. The world has forever changed, and because we live in it, we can’t help but be changed by it too. On top of the grief, it’s common for some of us to feel betrayal. Betrayal by our government for not protecting us or over protecting us, our fellow citizens for not caring more or doing something differently, our senior care facilities for not protecting our most vulnerable. Betrayal for having any level of certainty of our futures taken from us. The feelings are real and it doesn’t help that people judge others’ grief, compare their losses to others, or try to deny that we are feeling them. 

Grief expert, David Kessler defines grief as the death of something in his new book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. We’ve all lost something - loved ones, a job, a marriage, a friendship - at some point in our lives.  We can’t fall into a trap of ranking our suffering. The worst loss is always your loss, and during this time the loss is more persistent and widespread.  It could be time with friends, the closing of the gym, virtual schools and work, or a favorite restaurant. For others it’s a hug, family celebrations, knowing our elderly parents are struggling and not being able to help. And, yes, it could be the illness or death of a loved one. 

We have to feel the grief.  It’s sad and painful on so many levels - yet, ranking our grief against others’ grief diminishes our feelings. At the very least we have lost our collective health and vitality, and that is no small thing. This experience and our grief will be done with us eventually, but resisting it, denying it, and pretending it isn’t there can make the suffering greater. 

We must acknowledge that how we experience grief is personal. Experts talk about grief being a full body experience, meaning that there are more than just feelings, there are physical symptoms too, and not talking about what we’re experiencing gives it agency over us. There is a perspective that we can lend to one another when we share a collective suffering. We can bear witness to each other’s grief, even when it’s messy. We can be our sister’s keeper. We can begin that process by recognizing it, talking about it, and being willing to name it. Naming it and talking about what we’re feeling is one way to keep grief moving and not postpone what is happening until it begins to affect us from the inside out. 

If we won’t let ourselves feel it, we can’t heal it. The work right now is to go inward to acknowledge those emotions, and then with deep gentleness and grace for ourselves, accept them. The work of tending our grief is very heavy. Accepting what we’re feeling and experiencing as a part of us can help ease that heaviness. Acceptance does not happen all at once, but we can work towards it by expressing it and sharing it with our sisters who are also going through these unprecedented times. As we begin to move through this idea of acceptance, we can create enough space to find a seed that will lead us to new ways to do the things that sustain us and give us vitality. 

We can rationalize that nothing is exactly like what we’re going through now. That grief is inevitable, and most of us have survived grief before. We have experienced grief enough to know that being a companion to grief and the feelings it brings takes courage and a willingness to be vulnerable in sitting with feelings that don’t feel great. There is nothing pleasant about numbness, anger, agitation, sadness or the physical symptoms like appetite changes, insomnia, fatigue, nightmares, anxiety, or depression. But, if we aren’t willing to sit with those feelings, we will risk blocking the harmony of our body, mind, and spirit - the place from where we can learn, gain wisdom, and evolve into the fullest and most brave version of ourselves. 

What we do after acceptance is within us. Kessler talks about gratitude not being in the loss, it is in life. We’re normally all so busy chasing extraordinary moments. Maybe, we’ll find ourselves valuing the ordinary moments going forward. Those ordinary moments will be the ones that hold true meaning. We’ll have the wisdom of experience to know we need not wait to create those meaningful moments. We should be creating them right now, and maybe they will give us enough light that we will acknowledge that even while we’re still grieving, we can experience joy, and it’s ‘normal’ to feel that too. 

We also have great capacity to hold emotions like grief and sorrow and hope and joy, all at the same time. The future is uncertain, and we will be forever changed in ways that are still unknown. But, here’s what we do know. We will be here for each other, we will bear witness to each other’s journeys, and we will share and let go of our burdens together because we belong to one another. That is what connectedness and community bring to us. Even though we’re not as close together as we’d like physically, no one can take that belonging away from us. 

If you or a loved one are struggling with feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or helpless during these times where it is impacting you more significantly than what we share here, please know that you are not alone. We encourage you to access many resources and support groups available online. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America and Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration are just two of the many wonderful resources for anyone significantly struggling to cope during these difficult times. 

Being Feminine and Formidable in Today's World: A Conversation with Sasha Shillcutt, MD

Is it possible to be both feminine and formidable in today’s world? Author Dr. Sasha Shillcutt tells us how in a conversation with the Rumblings community of women over 50.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

The unrealistic expectations and labels that women are forced to carry can cause so much stress, pressure, and anxiety to succeed we can lose touch with the essence of who we really are and what we really want. However, showing up in this world in a way that is authentic can enliven us rather than leave us feeling drained. Like a shopaholic, women often fill space with busyness by taking on more, working harder, taking better care of others while we completely neglect ourselves, and act in ways that hide the very nature of who we are. We keep piling on more and maybe we won’t realize we’re collapsing under the figurative weight of it all. 

Then a moment may come in our lives which acts as a switch. It could be a divorce, kids going off on their own, a retirement, or maybe just the little light inside that lets us know that enough is enough. The point where we know that it’s time to be our authentic selves, no matter the consequences. The point when we realize that we will be criticized, face backlash, or pay the price whether we have tried to make ourselves more invisible or lived a life that is bold, outspoken, driven and assertive. Where we finally have courage to live authentically; being ok with the likelihood of being criticized, disappointing people, and perceived as not ‘likeable’. 

Can we be both feminine and formidable in today’s world? Can we find that unique balance between grit and grace? Those were the questions we discussed during a heartfelt conversation at the first Rumblings live, virtual book club with Sasha K. Shillcutt, MD, MS, author of “Between Grit and Grace: The Art of Being Feminine and Formidable”. 

A group of women courageous enough to be vulnerable with one another came together to share difficult experiences with gender bias, backlash, and the challenge of finding our way to a place where we are able to live authentically. Together we reaffirmed that resetting our mindset, living authentically, connecting with others, and lifting each other up are critical components to flourishing after 50.

Dr. Shillcutt describes how she came to write this book and start her company Brave Enough: 

I was on a set and clear path like most of us in medicine, which led me to burnout in 2013. I was a very busy mom with a [high-level]  position and I realized that what I really had achieved [for] myself was becoming someone that I didn't recognize. As a 16 year old, I was going to be this doctor and it was going to be wonderful. And then I realized wow this is not what I thought it was going to be. I was burned out and trying to think of how I was going to make 25 more years in health care. It scared me that I was so low. I thought of leaving medicine after all the years and time dedicated to learning the practice. I recognized a couple things that I needed to change in my life over the course of a year. When I got to the end of that year, I started spending time with myself and becoming more like my authentic self, as uncomfortable as that was for several people that I worked with and even people that I lived with. 

I recognized at the end of that year that I was incredibly lonely. At the time of my life where I felt I needed the most support from other women, I really had none. So I started a group which grew to what it is now - Brave Enough, my company. And throughout those five years, I recognized that what I experienced in the middle of my life and career was probably very similar to what many women experience. 

We get put in these two silos of either being a really strong woman who is extroverted, ambitious, and authoritative, or collaborators  who are more behind the scenes and maybe a little introverted. We get labeled too. Either we’re described as the woman people want to invite for coffee, but nobody thinks they can lead, even though they're very capable and make great leaders. Or we’re labeled as women who are competent but isolated, and often described with unfriendly words. Sometimes as a woman you find yourself being both of those things at different times. 

A favorite part of the discussion was on maneuvering the balancing act between grit and grace while on the receiving end of unfavorable comments —I’m glad I’m not your husband or your kids or you’re too soft or too meek—  and being able to embrace our feminine side while being the only female on an executive team. Dr. Shillcutt shared the following: 

I've been told so many times the same things.. It's such a bizarre comment that men say. I never know how to respond to that. I'm a very feminine woman. I like very feminine things. I like high heels. I like getting my nails done. I used to hide that. My partners would say things like —I’m going golfing and they would be cheered on. I could say I'm going to get a manicure and somehow I'm not taken seriously in my job. I'm not a serious doctor. I'm not a serious leader. Sadly, it's a double standard. 

It hasn't gotten easier for me. I'm just being honest. I was going to reach this pivotal professorship and everybody was going to accept me as myself. I think it's actually the opposite. The more you excel as a leader, the more expectations people have of you to not get your nails done, wear pink, not wear red shoes, and not care about your grandkids or your kids, or whatever.

It's crazy that people expect men, as they age, to get more compassionate and more into their families. But people expect women to care less about those things. I came to the conclusion that I can be my authentic self and not be liked or I can not be my authentic self and not be liked. So, why wouldn't I just be who I am? 

You will regret not being who you are. What you should focus on is being you. Live true to your values and sleep better at night.

Dr. Shillcutt recommends prioritizing spending time with yourself as being key to tapping into your authenticity: 

Everybody says the same thing when they first spend time with themselves - I don't even know what my priorities are. I don't even know where I would start. I don't have a hobby. I don't even know what I like. I haven't done anything for myself in so many years. They start to get uncomfortable feelings. They feel an overwhelming anxiety being alone. 

As women, we're always somewhere on the path of burnout. We're either stressed and approaching burnout; or we are burned out and getting better; or we're kind of walking along the stress path but moving towards thriving. We just go. We don't want to spend time with ourselves because we don't even want to think about the mess that we are. So we just watch Netflix. Maybe we're scrolling through social media for 30 minutes because we don't want to think about what our priorities are or ask how we're doing internally.  

When I ask women a simple question- when was the last time you had the perfect day? - they often tear up because they start thinking back to when they took a day for themselves. It’s revealing. 

You have to get over that hump of spending time with yourself even when it's uncomfortable and not fun because you realize it's like taking your pulse. You likely haven't taken your pulse in a long, long time and you’re afraid to realize [you’re drowning] and you need to turn some things around. You have to do it. I really encourage people to do it.

She described how to find ways to balance being authentic while helping friends who are feeling beaten down without succumbing to their negativity:

 Especially in 2020 women are being asked to do more than ever, to feel more than ever, and to take on the burden of others. Whenever your own mental health is suffering from interacting with another individual, it's not a healthy relationship no matter how long you've been in it, or how much you love the person. You have to put up some boundaries, otherwise you will get sucked into not wanting to be around the person. 

This is very real in 2020. For example, if you go on social media for 10 minutes, you leave, and then you feel either ashamed, angry, criticized or bad. Then you grieve. I think you have to be really careful right now with your relationships, even those on social media. There's a very fine line between protecting yourself and helping others. If you get to the point where helping others is causing you a lot of anxiety and stress, you're not not protecting yourself. It’s OK to set boundaries and distance yourself from people. 

The books and podcasts that Dr. Shillcutt finds inspiring:  

I love to read. I read Scripture. I find it to be really inspirational in the morning. I also like The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday. It’s important to laugh and sometimes I just read books to laugh. We have to continue to find joy and laughter.

I love podcasts as well.  How I Built This with Guy Raz is an entrepreneur podcast. I listen to that almost every week. I also listen to Unlocking Us with Brene Brown, The Alli Worthington Show with Alli Worthington, and Lead to Win with Michael Hyatt.

I am also very careful on who I follow on social media. I don't follow people who are really negative, even if they’re close friends of mine. 

What will it take for women to rise to a level where we no longer have to deal with the backlash? Dr. Shillcutt explains:    

I think two things have to happen. First, women need to be wherever decisions are made. If decisions are being made in any workforce or in any community and women are not at the table, nothing will change. The second thing that has to happen is we have to accept one another for who we are. If a woman is getting passionate about something, she's probably an expert in it. She's getting passionate because she knows about it. I will make it my goal to amplify another woman, even if I don't necessarily like her. I want to empower the voices of women in the room. 

Women have to be where decisions are being made, and quite frankly, if you look at healthcare, we're only in 8% of decision makers. And why do you think we're in the mess that we're in, right? We know from the Gallup studies that when women are at the table, women tend to think of other people not in the room. Men don't do that, bless their hearts. We need women at the table to be thinking of the downstream effects of these decisions. And, I am really passionate about that.

We have to have women in leadership, and that means we as women need to support women leaders. Even if we don't know them, just support them in general because it's hard to be a woman in leadership. It really is.

 In summary, we need to collectively recognize that we have the right to take up space wherever we happen to be. Each time we make ourselves smaller or more invisible, we portray a false notion of what women are supposed to be and do. If we can find our internal voice and be our authentic selves as a collective, we can shift cultures and change norms. 

There is strength in numbers. Hopefully a freeness emerges when recognizing we are not alone after finally beginning to share our experiences with others.  We’ve all experienced the repercussions for being authentic to the point where it either forces us to make ourselves smaller or emboldens us - of which neither may be authentic. Here are a few highlights that hit home for us:

• Confidence is contagious

• Amplify other women - it’s courageous to show up every day and emotionally dealing with potential bullying and retaliation for being your authentic self

• Encourage yourself - be your inner fangirl, and be the fangirl for others

• Gift yourself grace - give yourself margin to fail, or to be less than perfect

• You are enough - you have worthiness just as you are

• Have a growth mindset - our resilience and our ability to bounce back stronger is what leads to success.

• You are not alone - others have had the similar experiences

If you haven’t already, follow us on social media - Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and LinkedIn. Let’s amplify our messages so more women can benefit from this collective community. Be sure to join our email list to be the first to hear about upcoming events. 

We can’t wait to spend more time with you and want to hear your ideas on content and the discussions we need to have with one another. Reach out and send us a note!

Rumble On!

Karyn and Rebecca

4 Critical Lessons Learned while Navigating a Family Health Crisis

“We worked hard to ensure the Rumblings Four Rocks to Flourish After 50 foundational principles followed the latest science, as well as, aligned with what we were hearing from other women. At the time I never thought, so soon after we launched Rumblings, that I would have to personally put the Rocks to a test during a family health crisis. I quickly realized that these prinicples were key to helping me successfully navigate this challenging time.” — Rebecca Lindberg, Rumblings Co-founder

Over the last year, Karyn and I worked hard at polishing our Four Rocks for Flourishing After 50. We wanted to ensure our recommendations followed all the latest science, as well as aligned with what we were hearing from other women.

On August 19, my healthy 54-year-old husband had a severe stroke. It came out of the blue with absolutely no warning which bewildered even his physicians. On the morning of the 19th, he wasn’t feeling well and came home early from work to rest. An hour later, our 17-year-old son found him on the floor unable to move his right side or speak. Within 24 hours, he spiked a fever, was intubated, admitted to ICU, and diagnosed with endocarditis (an infection of the inner lining of his heart chambers and heart valves) which doctors assume caused the stroke. Fast forward 6-weeks, I am happy to report he is making huge strides in his recovery (thanks to his good health pre-event, quick medical care, and amazing providers).

Having a loved one experience a major health event, unfortunately, is something we all go through at different times in our lives. In fact, both Karyn and I have been going through it at the same time with the death of her mother this month and my husband’s current health issues.  It sucks! It really does. At times, I am the “we-got this” warrior and at other times, I am overwhelmed with grief. But what has helped me rally from my lows, has been falling back on the Four Rocks. 

Reset Mindset: 

Over the last six weeks, I’ve had to completely reset my mindset. I quickly learned that thinking about the future after a stroke was an emotional path to nowhere. As a planner, who loves setting visionary goals and steps to achieve them, I’ve had to pause that instinct and commit to staying focused on one day at a time. You see, every doctor and every therapist has said that recovery is personal and looks different for everyone. They can’t say today what three months or six months will look like, only that the progress to date is good. That gives us hope, but the reality is with a stroke, you cannot control the future, only the work we do today. So we get up every day with the goal to make it an exceptional one from the food we eat, the activity we do, who we connect with, to how we frame-up what we think and say. Those are the things we can control. And, day by day we see positive progress and that keeps us inspired for tomorrow.

Live Inside Out:

You’ve heard it a thousand times, you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.  This is harder said than done at times in our lives. I found that to be the case at the onset of our saga. After days of not sleeping, eating poorly, not exercising, and drinking way too much wine, I had to do a reality check with myself. I was getting moody, tearful, and negative which definitely wasn’t serving me or my family. I have four children who needed me to show up for them during this difficult time, a husband who needed support, a business that needed tending to, and a medical situation that needed managing. I wasn’t going to be able to do this if I continued down the path I was on.  

I started with committing to 30-minutes of exercise most days. The minute I got off the bike or treadmill my spirit lifted and I felt ready to conquer another day. I got back to nourishing my body with food that gave me energy and reducing food and beverages that made me feel better in the short term but impacted my sleep and long term energy level. 

Historically, I’ve been that person who puts a wall up and shares “just enough” with others. I tend to hold back from sincerely being my true authentic self — most likely out of fear and/or insecurity. Over the last six weeks, I let the wall down. I’ve told our story and shared the ups and downs of the journey. I’ve opened up our home (messy or neat). I’ve watched my husband rally, get outside, and attempt to chat (finding the right words is still very challenging) with everyone who stops to check-in. We’ve been vulnerable and the love has poured in. And, that love has nourished my soul and kept us both optimistic throughout this journey. 

Listen. Learn. Connect.

The power of community and social connection is amazing. We have felt this first hand over the last couple of weeks. You see my husband, unlike me, is an extrovert. He is the guy who remembers your kids’ names and birthdays. He is the person who remembers the fine details of conversations long after they’ve been had. As a result, he has built a strong amazing community of friends and colleagues over the years and this community has rallied for our family. 

Our home has been filled with cards, flowers, and beautiful plants as daily reminders of their love. Meals have been delivered to our home three times a week. Families of our kids’ friends and neighbors have provided gift cards to local restaurants that have been lifesavers after long days at the hospital and multiple medical appointments. His assistant and a good friend have completely supported his business operations and clients’ needs. And, the amazing Karyn took over Rumblings’ operations while I took a pause to support my husband, even when she was going through a challenging time of her own. And, most importantly the power of prayer and positive thoughts from these friends, neighbors, colleagues, and acquaintances have surely accelerated his progress and prognosis. 

Advocate. Inspire. 

Lastly, during this time I’ve learned so much that I hope to share with you, our Rumblings’ community, over the next few months. We felt like we planned and prepared for times like these, but there are things we could have done differently to be better equipped. I sincerely hope you never find yourself on this path, but if you do, I hope by sharing our experience your experience is a little easier.  

These last weeks have been challenging, but leaning into Rumblings’ Four Rocks has helped me navigate these times more successfully. 

Wishing you good health and well-being.

Together we RUMBLE, 

Rebecca

Together Women Over 50 Create Transformative Change

“Together we need to disrupt the status quo for  women over 50 and replace it with something that is new, bolder, and bodacious for the prime time of our lives. We do this while remembering with gratitude all the phenomenal women that came before us as we carry forward a strong desire to create a new path for the women who will follow. Together we will create a rumbling which will become a movement for a transformative change through action. “ – Karyn Entzion, Rumblings Co-founder

Entering into my 50s the story that I told myself was that I had ‘arrived’. With an empty nest, a new job, and a move across the country to a new city, I glamorized that  this would be the time to focus on myself, thrive, and grow in new ways. I believed my accomplishments at work, raising a son, being active in my community, as well as the strides that women had made in equality would position me better than ever. The thing was, I was so busy living my life, working, taking care of family and holding it all together that I didn’t really understand how society viewed me, as a woman, transitioning to a new stage of my life. 

What I discovered was that the world found many subtle ways to tell me ‘no’ and put me on notice to expect a professional and personal decline after 50 because I was becoming less relevant. Society finds hundreds of subtle ways to tell women of a certain age that we’re not relevant, not attractive, and less deserving, regardless of our prior accomplishments. At a time when men are viewed as being at the peak of their careers and earning potential and described as ‘distinguished’, it’s suggested that women retreat and fade into the background. 

Consequently, I found myself in a situation where I was bullied and gaslighted at work by my male boss, lived far away from home without family, friends, and lacked a strong social support to boost my confidence and morale. And, still I persevered, determined to push through believing if I tried harder all would be well. After leaving that company and going into yet another role with tremendous gender bias, where women weren’t promoted beyond a certain level. I was often told to be ‘softer’ while my male peers were praised for exhibiting the same behaviors, I had enough, was burned out and exhausted and left. 

I was deflated, beaten down, and emotionally spent. Once a confident, self-assured, comfortable in my own skin woman, I felt diminished. For decades I had put aside my fear of not belonging to hold steadfast to maintain my self worth and sense of integrity. This often elicited a response of criticism, unfair judgments from others that often included backlash of varying degrees. I was broken and battle weary.  I was in a pit and unable to see a way to climb out of it. It was my friends who bolstered me up, and convinced me it was time to quit. They gave a new view that was unfiltered. It gave me the assurance that it would be possible to find a career where I could be my authentic self and find true belonging. I felt wonderful and more myself than I had in many years once I started on my new, healthier path. Yet, many people saw it as fanciful or flighty, and a failure and discouraged me. It’s difficult to move forward when people you care about try to talk you out of doing what you know you must in order to be your whole self. 

We should all turn to friends who prop us up and help us regain our strength in these situations, and I was no different. I spent a lot of time reflecting and talking with other women about the idea of ‘failure’, and how society views women, very differently than how we see ourselves. This is even more true for those of us over 50. Almost every woman I spoke with had a version of a story of coming up against a real or subtle wall of resistance from either society or others trying to tell us to accept that we’re in a decline of some sort. All these women seemed to have paid a great price whether they made themselves smaller in life, or carried battle scars from the hurt that comes with judgment for being authentic. 

Conversely, many women I spoke with voiced feelings that they were just beginning to come into their own understanding of the meaning of their lives. Their sense of purpose was greater than their fear of failing. As a result, it became impossible to accept the false story others had been telling us. Our narrative is one of beginning rather than the one of ‘decline’ others are trying to get us to accept. 

Collectively, many women express an unwillingness to let go of their dreams because other people and society at large were telling them they should. Is it possible that the opposers fear the power of the collective purpose and the strength of our experienced voices? 

We have transitioned to the best part of our lives, not the decline. In fact, we’re coming into the prime time of our lives. This is not the time to let false voices of authority talk us out of the boldness of our ability to unfold the vision of the rest of our lives.

I began to recognize that while I had established friendships with other women in the background of my life, I needed a deeper social connection more than ever before. From these experiences, I’ve come to realized several key things about meaningful connections with other women:

• We’re not alone in what we’re feeling or experiencing. 

• We can magnify our collective voices - we’re stronger together. 

• Supporting each other and learning from one another helps us achieve our dreams.

• Sharing in a collective experience for the remarkable accomplishments yet to be attained fosters purpose, belonging, joy, and gratitude. It feels good! 

And, perhaps most importantly, the understanding is real that we need to establish these deep connections now. At this time and in this place in our lives. We’re starting to see the impact that solitude and loneliness has on our parents in their later years due to the absence of deep friendships. 

This is why we’ve started Rumblings. Together we need to disrupt the status quo for  women over 50 and replace it with something that is new, bolder, and bodacious for the prime time of our lives. 

We do this while remembering with gratitude all the phenomenal women that came before us as we carry forward a strong desire to create a new path for the women who will follow. 

Together we will create a rumbling which will become a movement for a transformative change through action. 

We’re excited about this journey, and we hope you’ll come with us so we can Rumble together!

Karyn

Coming Around the Table During COVID

It’s an unprecedented time. It’s normal to lose sight of our current blessings amidst the upheaval of our lives.  

Like many of you, additional young adults have descended on our home since March—one for a few weeks during an apartment transition and another for months as he finished his sophomore year in college.  Those two, plus the two still at home, add in the two Morkies, and we’ve had a full house.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved the chaos, conversation, and unexpected reality from the entire family unit being under one roof once again. As the grocery bill skyrocketed and screams of — “There’s nothing to eat” — resonated throughout the house, it felt like a little bit of normalcy during a trying time. 

After weeks into quarantined life, we were sitting around the table sharing a family meal when I realized that no one was jumping up from the table the minute their plate was empty. Conversations were growing more robust and lasting for longer and longer each night, until one evening my college student proclaimed, “Family dinners are great!” 

As restrictions have loosened over time, more and more often I join friends in backyards or on outdoor restaurant patios for dinner dates. Amongst the mask mandate and new safety precautions, it is a few hours to listen, share, connect, and catch-up. Those few hours bring happiness and joy to my week.

It’s easy to lose sight of the value of coming around the table to share a meal with family or friends when we’re busy and running from one activity to the next. If there is a shining moment in the middle of a pandemic, it may be the beauty of friends, families, neighbors, and colleagues slowing down to truly experience the power of conversation, awareness of what and how much we’re eating, true connection over food, or joy of uninterrupted time. 

Research has shown the health and wellbeing benefits of meals with family and friends:

• Lower rates of depression 

• Lower rates of substance abuse, teen pregnancy, as well as higher grade-point averages and self-esteem

• Lower rates of obesity and eating disorders

• Better family functioning, including connectedness, cohesion, and communication

And if that’s not enough, studies have shown that people make healthier food choices (e.g. more fruits and vegetables) the more often they sit down for meals. 

So I am stopping to appreciate the opportunity for my family to come together around the table for a meal every evening without distractions. I am slowing down and appreciating the long conversations with friends over food and drink. I am taking time to ask more questions, debate current events, and listen deeply to the opinions of others even when they differ from my own. And, when we’re back to “normal” and our evenings are full of scheduled events once again, I am making it a goal to prioritize meals, around a table, full of conversation and connection. It’s good for my spirit and soul. 

Rumble on…

Rebecca

Finding a Mindset Reset in the Midst of a Pandemic

“I’ve reset my mind.  Instead of thinking that the creation of lifelong  memories requires lots of travel and big events, I’ve come to the awareness that our real lives are lived in between the cracks of those big events. “ - Karyn Entzion, Co-Founder Rumblings

I am by nature a perpetually optimistic person. But, let’s be real for a moment. Unless there is a miracle, the year 2020 is going down in history as nothing short of a dumpster fire. The realization that the remainder of the year is not likely to improve is very painful and heartbreaking. 

Still, I find myself reflecting on slowing down and being present for my  life in ways that I hadn’t always taken time for before. I sense that we’re going to need this early mindset reset to maintain our faith that there will be happy times again, despite what may be dark days ahead. 

I’m a single empty-nester of an independent only child who is focused on starting his own career and life after school. I’m very grateful for that. These past months have been isolating at times with no immediate family nearby, and parents old enough that I’ve been concerned about their health and safety. 

With a lot of time on my hands, like many people, I adopted a dog. His name is Zeus and he is a four year-old mixed breed. We’ve discovered a lot about each other over the course of walking 8-10 miles per day these past 8 weeks. He’s a champion squirrel spotter from as far as a football field away. He loves to gently jump up and put his paws on my shoulder to give me hugs and kisses. The only ones I’m really getting these days. Telling people you love them virtually isn’t as healing for my soul as showing them in person with a warm embrace!

I would like to send apologies to all the fox-colored little dogs and the mottled colored Australian breeds, because I’ve learned that you are just not Zeus’s type. In fact, he really hates you. At some point in time, it is likely that your kind did him wrong in some manner, and he is still holding a grudge. No, Zeus does not want to say ‘hello’, or merely pass you by on the street, or even see you across the park. Let it be known there is an open challenge to an Aaron Burr style duel with any of you. It’ll be best for everyone if you just steer clear. These dog encounters have been reminiscent of the judgmental looks I used to get when, as a toddler, my son would have a temper tantrum in Target. Except now the look is usually delivered after they’ve scooped up that cute reddish little dog and are running away. And, it’s still so embarrassing. 

In addition to my little project training Zeus, I have experienced many nuggets of appreciation and joy. I’ve explored parts of Minneapolis that I’ve never seen before. It has been peaceful to walk along the banks of the Mississippi in the early morning as the sun rises and few people are out. The quiet stillness of Nicollet Island with the older, stately homes and cobblestone streets are reminiscent of a long gone era when life was simpler.  I have witnessed the gorgeous gardens and peacefulness of the normally bustling and active campus of the U of MN. Zeus and I even had an encounter with a flock of wild turkeys.

I’ve connected more frequently with friends and family, calling more often just to say I care. I’ve taken weekly trips to the Farmer’s Market — the flowers are a highlight. And, I can’t be the only person who has looked forward to going to the grocery store and chatting up the cashier. 

For four months running, I have done a virtual Zoom Happy Hour with four retired friends each Thursday. I started it as a lark, knowing, that like me, three of the four also live alone. They’ve each said it’s a godsend, but honestly, they’re the ones that have saved me. Their activism and the letter writing campaigns, and the information they impart has been wonderful. The ability to experience true belonging, as my full authentic self, has been a gift and healing for my heart. 

I’ve seen some of the most amazingly creative murals on the plywood protecting windows of businesses and have spoken with the artists about how their art is healing hearts. I’ve walked by sidewalk chalk art that has lifted my spirits, encountered painted rocks with uplifting words that made me smile at my luck at finding them in a random spot on a path. 

I love being alone, and I enjoy my own company. Like many of us, I’ve experienced bouts of loneliness and periods of longing to be with my squad, hug my family, and see more of the people I care about. Having both a schedule to keep — even if it’s an artificial one —along with a social calendar has been helpful. 

I’ve reset my mind.  Instead of thinking that the creation of lifelong  memories requires lots of travel and big events, I’ve come to the awareness that our real lives are lived in between the cracks of those big events. Those individual moments that weave our lives together with a common connection in both joy and pain are the ones that create the fabric of who we truly are in our most quiet moments with ourselves. 

But mostly, for the first time in a long while, I have been able to overcome my fears of vulnerability and give myself grace to just stand still. I’ve been able to give myself permission to create more space in my head and my heart – space to explore, to grow, to bend, and to get a little real with myself about what I want from this next part of my life.

I’ve opened up space to understand what it means to belong first to myself. It’s about giving myself permission to put down the baggage put on me by others and admit that I am proud of what I’ve struggled through and that I am comfortable with myself and who I’ve become. Permission that it’s ok to revel in the freedom that comes with truly believing in myself, while recognizing that doing so also requires that I commit to fully living my life. Really being present for every moment, the good, the drama, and the blessings.  

All of that is what brought me to the place of knowing that now is the time to be brave and venture out there to co-create this Rumblings community. To create something where the sacredness of the connection is belonging without feeling the need to sacrifice our authenticity in order to please others or to fit in. I hope you’ll join us – because I have a feeling this next part of our lives could be one hell of a wild ride!

Rumble on! 

Karyn