Mindset Transformation: How to Break Free from Limiting Beliefs and Achieve Your Goals

New mindset, new results. Transform your mindset today!

Are you caught up in thoughts like “I should do this,” or “I wish I could/would, but…” or “I am too old for that”? 

Yeah, we’ve been there too.

Lately, I (Rebecca) noticed that my flexibility and balance were “challenged,” to say the least. My hamstrings were as tight as ever, and bending forward had become more challenging. I was also really wobbly standing on one leg. 

In my mind, I kept telling myself I should get back to yoga. Eventually, I started voicing these thoughts to a friend who invited me to join her at a yoga class. For months, I kept making excuses like “I should do that, but I am too busy this week,” or “I can’t because of x, y, and z.” Sound familiar?

Well, my friend finally called me out on it! She said, “You talk about the importance of mindset as we age, but you’re just making excuses instead of taking action.”

She was right. Not only was my mindset holding me back, but I was also burdened by limiting beliefs such as, “I am not flexible enough right now,” “I should practice more before joining a class,” or the worst one, “I’ll be the oldest one in the room.” 

I stepped back and revisited my vision of how I want to live as I age. My actions were entirely out of sync with that vision. In fact, they were sabotaging my desire to feel and move well in my 70s, 80s, and beyond.

When our actions don’t align with our vision, we start feeling an inner restlessness or rumbling. In my case, it started in my head, and then I started vocalizing it. Unfortunately, I wasn’t listening to myself. And, because I hadn’t acknowledged and confronted those limiting beliefs, I was stuck in a cycle of inaction. 

How would I improve my flexibility and balance if I wasn’t taking action? 

Can you relate? We all want to change something about ourselves — eat better, get stronger, sleep more, reduce our stress — but often, we struggle to get started, let alone maintain those changes. 

So, how do you shift your mindset for lasting change?

Here are some steps to help you get started:

1. Listen for those inner rumblings. What is your inner voice saying? Take some time to be quiet with yourself. Try meditation, walk in nature, or grab a notebook to journal. 

2. Reflect on any “I should” or “I wish I could” statements you catch yourself making without taking action. Write them down. 

3. Ask a trusted friend or family member to help you identify these rumblings. Maybe, like me, you already have a friend who is good at calling you out! Listen to their observations.

4. Now, think about any limiting beliefs connected to these rumblings that may be holding you back. These often come as “not enough” statements or comparisons to your younger self or others. Write those down, too.  

5. Dive deeper into these limiting beliefs. Challenge them. For example, if you think I’ll be the oldest in the room,” ask yourself, “How do I know this? Is this thought based on reality? Why does my age matter?” 

6. Finally, jot down action steps you can take to address your inner rumblings. 

In my case, I signed up for a class at a new and nearby yoga studio. To address my limiting beliefs, I started slowly with a gentle class I knew I could handle. Once I got comfortable, I signed up for more challenging classes. And, you know what? I wasn’t the oldest or least flexible in the room. Everyone was there to work on their goals, regardless of where they started. No judgment, no critiques. I realized my limiting beliefs were mental barriers I created and were not based on reality.

How many opportunities do we miss because of self-imposed beliefs?

What was I missing out on? An incredible community of women of all ages who care about their minds and bodies through yoga. I was also not reaching my desired goals of improved flexibility and balance. I knew I had to take action, and I’m glad I did. 

Where are you stuck? 

Try the above activities to uncover how your mindset may hold you back. Don’t wait. 

I can’t wait to go to my next yoga class. I started feeling better and reaping benefits right away. Looking back, I realize what I would’ve missed out on if I stayed stuck any longer. 

Don’t miss out on the benefits of aging well. 

We’re here to help! 

Explore Rumblings resources to set a vision and break free from limiting beliefs:

The Rumblings Notebook is a beautiful tool to help you reflect and record your thoughts. 

The 90-Day Vision Journal will guide you through setting your vision, tackling limiting beliefs, and taking steps to make your dreams a reality. Live the life you’ve always wanted! 

5 Ways to Embrace the Senior Discount

There is no category for midlife between young adults and seniors. Although AARP membership is open to adults 50 years or older and stores senior discounts often begin at 55, midlife women don’t think or feel like senior citizens. Plus, businesses and organizations aren’t effectively talking to midlife women in advertising, marketing campaigns, and customer service initiatives in a way that matches how we feel. This can take a toll on how women think about themselves as we age. Read our five ways to reset our midlife mindset to age well, and embrace the senior discount!

Last week a Walgreens employee nicely and appropriately asked me (Rebecca) if I qualified for the senior discount. Caught off guard, I responded, “How old do I have to be to quality?” She said, “55!” I wasn’t sure if I should be thrilled I didn’t qualify or disappointed I missed out on 20 percent off my purchase. 

Karyn and I often talk about the lack of a category for midlife between young adults and seniors. Although AARP membership is open to adults 50 years or older and, as we’re starting to learn, store discounts begin at 55 years old, we’re not senior citizens (often defined as over the age of 62).

With improved knowledge on prevention and new scientific discoveries around longevity, we would also argue that those standards should even be older. Why does it matter? Businesses and organizations aren’t effectively talking with us in advertising, marketing campaigns, and customer service initiatives in a way that matches how we feel. This can take a toll on how we think about ourselves as we age.

Although I am working on it, these confrontations can do a number on my mindset, which is usually pro-aging! That day, I walked out of Walgreens thinking that my wrinkles, hair, and lack of make-up must be screaming that I am old. Why else would she ask me about the discount? 

Luckily with the work we’re doing at Rumblings, I recognized my spiraling mindset and redirected my thoughts to how great I felt before I walked through the Walgreens door, having just finished a weight workout and a kale salad lunch. I quickly refocused my internal conversation to reflect that this woman was only trying to save me money rather than comment on my age or appearance. 

How do you reset your mindset when you feel too old, invisible, or undervalued? 

Try these five resets to swap positive thoughts for negative ones. 

Recognize your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

Honor how you’re feeling. Sit with it. Be present. Is your internal chatter leading you down a positive path? Are these thoughts and feelings giving you energy or sapping essential resources? Is your reaction a pattern? So many of our responses are hardwired we don’t recognize how misaligned they are with our values. Aging is a good thing. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey.

Identify why you’re feeling this way.

Why are these negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions prioritized over positive ones? What can you learn from how you’re feeling to help you react differently? What was your trigger? My trigger at Walgreens was the word “senior” preceding the discount and the images I have about being seen as a senior citizen too soon. Reflect on your responses and write them down. 

Redirect your thoughts.

Think about alternative views you could swap for your current reaction to a comment or situation. How would different responses align better with your values? After I walked out of the Walgreen’s door, I realized I had let one question impact how I was feeling at that moment. My reaction was not aligned with my core beliefs and value of wanting to age well with vibrancy and positivity. I needed to redirect my thoughts to how I wanted to feel. I did that by reflecting on how I felt before walking into the store and how I could get back to those feelings.  

Practice how you will respond differently next time you’re in a similar situation.

Visualize your new reactions. Play them over in your mind. Practice how it could play out differently with a friend. How do these new reactions make you feel? The more you do this, the more likely you will naturally respond differently next time. 

Reignite.

We often talk about reigniting ourselves in midlife because the reality is we want to honor our age, learn from our experiences, and regenerate the spark that may have dimmed as a result of the anti-aging messages we receive daily in society. This takes practice. Stepping into how you want to live is necessary. Don’t hold yourself back based on society’s expectations. Just do it. Reset and reignite today! 

Next time I walk into Walgreen’s on senior discount day, I’ll be ready to embrace my age and ask for the discount because no matter how it is communicated, I am thankful, grateful, and saving money!

This process isn’t easy, but going through it is necessary to reset our mindset to feel great and live well as we age. Showing up as our authentic, vibrant, and true selves can also begin to shift the norms of how society views midlife women. 

Let’s RUMBLE, embrace our age, live well, and flourish together!  

Learn more about resetting your mindset through gratitude, fun, intention, and joy here. 

Take Steps to Reignite Yourself After 50

In March 2018, we planned a girls’ trip to New York City with another friend. We were working in executive positions in different cities at the time. It was going to be a long weekend filled with laughs, good food, and adventures. 

The trip was all that, but it was also a turning point for us upon reflection. Our long conversations over wine were consumed with talk about burnout, the challenges of managing people, abuse in the workplace, and whether we were living our best lives. We needed this time to decompress and deeply share our challenging experiences and process these with other like-minded women in the same life stage. 

We recognized our careers were at a tipping point. Was the goal to keep climbing the career ladder at the expense of our personal lives, social lives, and families? By the second glass of wine, the conversations dove more deeply into our dreams, desires, and how we wanted to live the next half of our lives. Each of us expressed a longing for something more than the current state. At the end of the weekend, we realized we all needed to make different types of changes to move in the direction of our dreams. The spark was lit in New York City. 

Fast forward to 2020. We now lived in the same city and met regularly to envision Rumblings. We knew we weren’t alone facing midlife career, personal, and family transitions. We heard from other women our age who were struggling with the same challenges. 

The common thread we were all experiencing was an internal RUMBLING that something needed to change to live our best lives through midlife and beyond. 

The change is different for everyone. For some, it’s a career change, to start a business, or leap past fear and take on a new challenging position. For others, it’s traveling more, moving to a new city, finding new rewarding volunteer opportunities, or creating a life that aligns more closely with personal values.

Whatever your dreams are for reinvention, go for them. We’ve never looked back, and even with the ups and downs of starting a business, we know we’re on the right path—slower than we hoped, yet moving in the right direction. 

These six actions helped us leap past our fears to start creating the life we envisioned.

Embrace a learning mindset. We thought we needed to know everything about starting a business for too long before we leaped. After a year of talking about beginning, we realized we had to stop talking about it and do it. In July 2020, we launched our website and built a community through social media. The most important thing we needed was an open and learning mindset.

The reality is you’ll never be fully ready, know everything, or have the perfect plan. Be willing to leap and learn. Ask questions of others who have reinvented themselves. Learn from their experiences. Open up to learning from women younger and older than you. 

Leap past fear. Change is scary, but what’s more frightening is living a life not aligned with your values and dreams. It was challenging to start something new, put ourselves out there, not know whether midlife women would engage with us, and not feel perfectly ready when we did. And, the fear creeps in regularly when we try something new (like producing a fashion show!) or discuss something that feels vulnerable (showing our faces or sharing our personal stories).

But, the rewards have come on the other side of fear. So leap, friends, leap!

Forgive each other and ourselves. When you forge into something new, you’ll make mistakes. We certainly have —lots of them, to be honest. Early on, we made a pact to accept that we will make mistakes, laugh at them together, support each other through them, and move on quickly. This pact has worked for us and has helped us realize mistakes are our lessons, they’re inevitable, and they’re part of the process of living forward.

Be kind and forgive yourself and others as you move along your path.

Ask for support and be supportive. Reinvention takes support. We have called on friends and family to support our efforts to build Rumblings. In return, we make an effort to promote other midlife women reinventing themselves. These women have taught us so much as we’ve learned their whys for reinvention, seen their actions, and witnessed their successes.

Don’t be afraid to ask for support. Share your dreams and audacious goals. Ask other like-minded midlifers for help.

Be consistent. Consistency has been our biggest lesson and the action that continues to move us towards our goals. It sounds too easy, but in reality, it can be challenging. We need to remind ourselves frequently to break down tasks and take action every day. When we do, we see progress and change.

Change and reinvention are not easy. You have to stay focused on your why and take steps every day towards your dreams. It’s the daily steps that create progress. 

Practice self-care. To live your best life requires you to be at your best. Take care of yourself. Sleep. Eat well. Move. Meditate. Take time for yourself. For years, we put ourselves last as we built our careers, raised children, and cared for parents. We put off medical appointments, didn’t exercise, and reached for convenient food.

As we’ve built Rumblings, we’ve reprioritized ourselves alongside our ambitions. Our dreams matter. We matter. But, only we can take steps to take care of ourselves. No one can do it for us. We’ve realized that we feel better when we do this and do better.

Now is the time. Prioritize and take care of YOU. 

Reinvention is a continuous process. We’ve learned a lot and realize how far we’ve come as we reflect on that New York City weekend. We’re making progress on living the life of our dreams, and it’s exciting. We still have things we’re working on—confidence, focus, and vulnerability. We acknowledge the challenges ahead of us and reflect on these same actions as we discuss how to move past them.

It’s not too late to pursue your dreams and desires. 

Let’s reignite, reinvent, and RUMBLE through midlife together. 

Read more about how turning 50 inspired Rumblings and advice from other midlife women on how they reinvented themselves. 

Discover How to Successfully Make Work and Life Transitions After 50

Many women after 50 feel burnt out, stressed, tired of the external pressures, and ready to make a change. But, they’re uncertain how to make work and life transitions at this age. Successful transitions are possible. Reset your mindset, to view them for what they are - exciting. You’re never too old to dream big and take the steps necessary to achieve your goals.

“Tell me what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life.”

Mary Oliver

Life is full of transitions  — kids going off to college, parents needing care and support, relationships ending, or careers evolving — especially after 50. 

Many women after 50 feel burnt out, stressed, tired of the external pressures, and ready to make a change. But instead of retiring, they are exploring opportunities for an encore career. An encore career is work in the second half of life that combines engagement, steady income, greater personal meaning, and social impact.  Other women are building portfolio careers — combining multiple paid and unpaid roles. It's a great way to indulge the various interests that you have. 

How do you successfully make these transitions?

After witnessing people in the workforce who were in unfulfilling jobs or careers and who weren’t happy,  Nancy Burke and Marg Penn, Ph.D., started their business, Future After 50, to help people make life transitions fun, more rewarding, and fulfilling. They began their business in their 60s, after years in corporate America. As a result, they have helped many men and women navigate life transitions successfully and feel more inspired than ever. 

On February 11, Nancy and Marg spoke to a group of Rumblings’ women and offered the following advice and wisdom for managing life transitions successfully to flourish after 50. 

Identify Your Skills and Experiences

Change is inevitable. Transitions require you to recognize your current skills and experiences. Understanding how to package and align your background with the skills needed for what you want to do will help you be successful.   

Nancy and Marg told a story and encouraged us to think of this process as “following the breadcrumbs.” They recommended approaching transitions with a learning mindset and talking to many different people about jobs, careers, volunteer opportunities, board positions, etc., that interest you. You don’t have to know what you’re looking for in the beginning. Just do the work and learn along the way —  picking up bread crumbs.  They’ve seen when women go out and explore, they find answers for themselves at the end of the breadcrumb trail. 

For most women, career and life satisfaction after 50 is not about the money, it's about having a sense of purpose and meaning, or in some cases finding something to be passionate about. 

Women over 50 have a wealth of life experience, whether it's work, family, volunteering, civic engagement, personal friendships, experiences with other women, etc. And, with this experience comes wisdom. However, midlife women often don't share their wisdom unsolicited; they need an invitation.  Don’t wait for the invitation. 

Midlife women bring a more comprehensive skill set than people who are a lot younger. We also have so many more resources than a 20-year-old.  Younger people don't have a robust network. For example, they haven't developed all the skills and perspectives that we have at our stage of life. 

It’s essential to recognize the expertise and experience you bring to the table. However, it’s also important to realize that younger people may be better in many skill areas, so enter this process with humility and a learning mindset. 

Adopt a Learning Mindset 

Ensure you’re up to speed on the technology and terminology of the fields you’re interested in pursuing. Technology and terminology continually change. It’s critical to stay on top of the changes. Take classes and learn about different industries if you’ve been out of the workforce for a while. Research to understand what is happening in the field(s) you may want to pursue.

You also need to prepare yourself to describe your skills in language that resonates with a potential employer. Each industry has its vocabulary.  For example, skills are transferable, but the nonprofit world doesn't talk about some skills the same way the corporate world does, so learning the terminology is essential for selling yourself. Suppose you haven't been in the workforce for a while. You must start to pull together some of the skills you used during the time you've been out. That means if you've done significant volunteer work, pull out the competencies from those experiences.  Women often minimize those experiences, particularly if it's been volunteer work. Finally, package your experience in the vocabulary used in the field you plan to pursue.

Employers are not bothered by women who have been home if they can see relevant experience. An employer wants to know that you can solve their problems and provide the kinds of skills that will help them accomplish the organization’s objectives.

It is possible to get into the trap of thinking too narrowly, and it is tough to get out of it. For example, you may think you’ve held a certain role for so long you believe you don't have the skills to do anything else. Or you may be limiting what you bring to the table because that’s the way you’ve always done things.

It's hard to think that way. If you recognize this in yourself, you may need to take a step back and reinvent yourself.  Start almost as a beginner, which means learning from people who are maybe as young as your children or more youthful. Reset your mindset to think you have as much to learn from them as they can learn from your experience. 

Adopting a learning mindset can open up your thinking and help you navigate transitions.

Create Clarity

If you don't know where you're going, it's going to be hard to get there. Start by doing personal assessment work. There are tools available to help you review your career history, lifetime achievements, and skills. This type of assessment process aims to review the skills you have from your work and volunteer experiences that you can take into a new opportunity. Often, transitions require us to package our expertise in different ways. Resumes need revisions so that a new employer can see how your skills transfer to a new opportunity.

Clarity doesn't come in a day or a week; it takes a little bit of time. Even when you're clear about where you want to go, it's not always easy to take action. Sometimes you need help to figure out what's holding you back from taking action and getting closer to what you want to do. It could be loyalty to your boss or your employer, fear of stepping out into the unknown, not wanting to take a pay cut even when it’s financially doable, or a job title that’s holding you back.    

Get clarity for yourself and understand what's keeping you from pursuing your dream. Talk to friends, family, colleagues, employers, mentors, or a coach to help you work through the process. You need to get a feel for what you're good at and what you love. It’s extremely difficult to do this from reading a book. 

Be Courageous

Unfortunately, the work world that we have been in was not well designed for women over 50, and as a result, we’ve had to put up with a lot in our careers. Around the time we turn 50, women often realize it’s not worth it anymore, and we start seeking a more fulfilling way to contribute.  It’s similar for women who haven't been working outside the home. We know we have more to contribute now that our children are launched. 

It takes courage to navigate transitions. After 50, you’ve got to embrace change and become good at making transitions. Now is the time to be courageous and step into your desires.  

Be Confident 

Unfortunately, women often lack the confidence to jump into something new. Nancy and Marg don’t see it as jumping. It’s waiting patiently, learning, and realigning. 

The goal is to figure out some of the roles you could pursue, the organizations where those roles might exist, and which organizations are appealing enough to check out. Then do research. You can do a lot of that research on the Internet. There's so much information available, but often the most valuable insight is gained by talking with people, which involves setting up conversations. Networking requires confidence. Many people don't want to bother the person to have a conversation. First of all, most people are willing to chat and share information.  That's what a networking meeting is all about. How can I learn? How can I find out about what kinds of organizations are out there? What's the culture like with this organization? Understand you’ve got things to offer. Usually, it takes about  20 conversations, maybe more, to see an opportunity emerge that you'd be interested in pursuing. Confidence is a critical ingredient for successful transitions.

Making a change is not a leap from one thing to something entirely different.  If you've been out of the work world for a while, you may wonder if you can compete or if you have skills that anybody wants. Jumping into a transition is often a two-step or more process, so it may mean that you are working in one thing and you do a side gig off in another and then make that develop into something that will pay the bills. Or you may take a job that's a transition job to give you the experience you need or time in a company to get to the ultimate role you want. 

Job cycles —hiring booms and valleys — can create fear and uncertainty about job security after 50. The pandemic and impact on the economy have resulted in people in their 50s and 60s losing their jobs which has amplified that fear. The reality is the economy’s ups and downs will always be there, and it is a macroeconomic issue. Don’t look at these statistics. You don’t have control over them. The statistics create unnecessary fear that there are no jobs in a down cycle or I am a loser if I don’t have a job in an upcycle. 

The reality is that you can get a job at any time. Remember that getting a job is a microeconomic issue for you and one employer. You have control over your skills and your mindset.  For example, during the pandemic, there are many healthcare startups, and they're looking for people who have deep experience because they want to scale. People with deep expertise are in their 50s and 60s.  Organizations need an infusion of people with extensive experience, as well those new in their career. 

There is age bias in the workplace. It's a small part of what people over 50 face. However, it could feel insurmountable if you start thinking that age bias is a big issue for you. Approximately 20% of age bias in the marketplace is reality, and about 80% is imagined. Most other people are not focused on your age. For everybody who has a bias against somebody over 50, there's somebody who has a bias against millennials or Generation Z. So, if you hold age as a barrier in your mind, it will get in your way. But if you can start focusing on the skills and value you bring to employers and forget your limiting beliefs around age, you will find it becomes much less of an issue. 

It’s easy to get pigeonholed by your past experiences. If you want to make a change, it's sometimes difficult to see beyond our personal experiences. Be confident.

Lift Up Other Women 

On your way to mastering your transition, think about how you can lift up other women as well. One way to do that is by amplifying their skills, expertise, and contributions in a conversation, at a meeting, in an email, or through social media. 

Acknowledging the contributions of women around you — younger or older — goes a long way. Not only do you highlight their contributions to more people, but they’ll also appreciate what you’re doing and be more willing to listen to you.

Successful transitions are possible. Reset your mindset, to view them for what they are - exciting. The message is you’re never too old to dream big and take the steps necessary to achieve your goals. Identify your skills and experience. Adopt a learning mindset. Seek clarity. Be courageous. Be confident. And lift up other women along the way. Together we Rumble and flourish! 

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream another dream.”

C.S. Lewis

5 Ways to Uncover and Challenge Unconscious Biases Today

By uncovering your unconscious biases you can reshape your perspectives, decisions, and behaviors.

Several years ago I chaperoned my son’s soccer team at a college showcase tournament. Since this was a high-level team, we traveled to the out-of-town tournament by air.  The team was made up of 18 young men from Minneapolis and surrounding suburbs, all within the same 12-month age span, and all with a passion for the game of soccer. 

On our trip home, we successfully received our boarding passes, and the 18 players and two mom chaperones headed to security. When we arrived, we realized that some of us had been assigned to skip the long security line and go through the TSA PreCheck line. 

One by one we looked at our ticket and chose which line to go to — left regular or right PreCheck. Suddenly I heard my son scream, “MOM!” And, with horror in his eyes, he yelled, “Look at how they segmented us.”  Slowly, I looked up and saw the players of color on the left side of the rope and the white players, and two white moms on the right. I too was horrified. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. My heart started racing, as I shared my surprise and frustration with the other mom. 

The PreCheck line was shorter, so I maneuvered in front of the few white players from the team and leaped towards the security checkpoint. I found myself standing in front of a young black woman and I said, “Please take a look behind me. I am chaperoning those young men. They are from the same community and are on the same team, but yet have been segmented by race for security. This is inexcusable!” 

She looked at me and repeated, what I assume she was trained to say, and most likely said often, “Our computers randomly assigned the lines.” Shaking in frustration I said, “What’s random about what you’re witnessing behind me?” She handed me my ticket and gestured to me to move on. 

I think about that experience often. In my mind, I see the boys standing on the left side of the rope with their heads hanging low and eyes facing the floor, while the boys standing on the right side of the rope quickly recognizing and verbalizing the bias they were witnessing before their eyes, but of course not fully understanding the gravity of what their peers were going through.  

The situation opened up a great conversation between the boys while the moms listened in. I, however, felt as the adult representing all of the boys, more should have been done. They deserved better. I should have used the power I had to vocalize the injustice that required more explanation.  

Whether or not the assertion was accurate and the process was random,  I will never know. Did the person issuing the tickets have a conscious or unconscious bias that was reflected in a few of us receiving the PreCheck status based on race?  If the process truly was randomly assigned by the system, the airline had a problem with bias in their algorithms.  

I can’t change the way I reacted that day, but I can commit to doing better next time. This experience was a reminder that biases exist and biases have the potential to have a very negative impact on individuals. 

Unconscious Biases

Almost every day in the news, there is at least one story about racism, sexism, or ageism. For many of us, we may think, “That’s not me.” The reality is that even amongst the most well-intended and open-minded people, unconscious biases exist. Most of us are unaware of our own biases and how they impact our decision making. 

Cognitive biases, or errors in thinking processes, result from our brains naturally wanting to take a shortcut in order to reason or make a judgment.  Our brains are wired to do this. Biases drive what we perceive, how we think, and what actions we take. 

Over the last few months, we’ve been talking a lot about mindset and the importance of resetting our mindset to flourish after 50. Our mindsets influence our biases (and vice versa), so it’s important to pay attention, recognize our personal biases, and do everything we can to reframe them for our personal well-being and the well-being of others. 

Common Biases to Be Aware Of

Although this isn’t a comprehensive list, here are some common biases to be aware of.  

Self Serving Bias — attributing positive outcomes to skill and negative outcomes to luck

Implicit Bias — having innate preferences  for people who look like us and suspicion for people who don’t 

Confirmation Bias — seeking information and data that confirms pre-existing ideas and ignore data that contradict what we initially believed 

Herd Mentality Bias —  copying and following what others are doing (influenced by our emotions versus by an independent analysis of the facts) 

Overconfidence Bias — having a false sense of skills, talents, knowledge, or ability greater than it is  

Optimism or Pessimism Bias — overestimating the likelihood of positive or negative outcomes based on emotion. 

Declining Bias — favoring the past (resisting change) over and above how things are going today 

False Consensus Effect — overestimating how much other people agree with our own beliefs, attitudes, behaviors, and values 

Recognize and Challenge Personal Biases

There are ways to begin recognizing your own biases. 

Start here.

1. Increase awareness. Start by noticing your decisions, reactions, judgments, and responses throughout the day. 

2. Ask yourself the following questions:

   • Why am I making this decision, having a reaction, or responding this way? 

   • Is my decision, reaction, judgment, or response based on fact or emotion? 

   • Is this one of my biases? 

   • Who and what is making me uncomfortable? Why?

   • What is my role in my actions? 

3. Reflect back on the different cognitive biases. Are you making a decision, reacting, judging, or responding to the situation in a biased way? If you’re uncertain, ask a trusted friend or family member. 

4. Practice responding differently based on your new awareness and knowledge. 

5. Do things to shift your perception of the world and other people. Follow people who think differently than you.  Explore new and diverse experiences to help see past what may be blind spots in your beliefs.

By uncovering your unconscious biases you can reshape your perspectives, decisions, and behaviors. Adopting a learning mindset toward yourself and your personal biases is a start to making more conscious decisions, altering your thought patterns, and resetting your mindset for flourishing after 50. 

Together we RUMBLE.

The Ultimate Revelation of Cultivating a Reset Mindset

Each of us gets to decide and write our personal story. And, in doing so we will soften our mind, have greater clarity, and calmness as we evolve closer to our truer and more authentic selves. The result is a life full of wholeheartedness. 

By this time in our lives, we have all been through a lot of challenges and triumphs. We’ve experienced despair, disappointment, and grief in addition to many moments of joy. 

People say ‘things that don’t kill you make you stronger.’ 

Yet, hearing that and feeling like we have to be strong implies that we have to live up to someone else’s expectation. That then becomes our burden and we carry it around with us forever. 

“I am not who you think I am; I am not who I think I am; I am who I think you think I am”

~ Thomas Cooley

It’s time to give ourselves permission to shed those external expectations that do not serve a true purpose in our lives. All those burdens and expectations we carry around only hold us back, and weigh us down. They may even start to feel comfortable and safe. 

As we go through life, we take on others’ expectations. For example, we often play roles at work representing who we think we should be. In our personal lives, it may be smaller things that diminish our confidence or belief in our value. 

We’ve become so accustomed to them we don’t even realize we’re receiving those messages. Just think of all of the messages women our age receive focused on our external appearance - how to look younger, stay thin, and have flawless hair and makeup. We likely even have built-up feelings of shame/guilt due to not feeling like we can live up to these ideals we've taken on over time. Even worse, some of us still carry the burden of having suffered abuse and trauma. 

We don these beliefs like we’re dressing for a northern winter day outdoors when we don’t know the weather forecast - adding layer upon layer of gear until we can barely move. The problem is, when we never fully take the layers off, they weigh us down until we no longer remember what it feels like to be free from it all. 

Having a goal, making a resolution, setting an intention are all worthy endeavors. Yet, what is going to really make a difference and help us make changes in our lives is cultivating a reset mindset. 

Instead of adding one more layer to our already layered up stuff we’re carrying around, we have to shed some layers to get closer to discovering what is underneath it all.  We need to rid ourselves of all the layers that have either served their purpose, are no longer adding value, or we never wanted in the first place. 

We’ve learned many things from our life experiences. It’s time to begin to shed those layers of burdens, expectations, undesired roles, and past microtraumas. 

The place to start is for each of us to spend time with ourselves in stillness, whether in nature, walking, yoga, or meditation to let our inner awareness reveal the things that are no longer serving us. 

As we begin to shed those things that no longer serve us or have purpose, it helps to reveal the core of what is inside - and our truth. We need to tell that truth and live it, even when others may not always like it. 

It’s our life, no one else’s, and letting those layers of ‘stuff’ go leaves space for the things that do serve us. This process is an evolution. We need to find time to periodically ask ourselves who we are becoming and how that changes what is important to us. 

That is what it means to cultivate a reset mindset. As we learn and experience life we are constantly shedding the layers of things that no longer serve us to make space for the new things that do. We are not required to keep stuff that no longer - or maybe never did - suit us. We also don’t have to put that layer on in the first place if it doesn’t add value. Each of us gets to decide and write our personal story. And, in doing so we will soften our mind, have greater clarity, and calmness as we evolve closer to our truer and more authentic selves. The result is a life full of wholeheartedness. 

Over the next few months, our email newsletter will focus on teaching the tips, tools, and techniques for living with a reset mindset. If you haven’t signed up for our email newsletter, you can do so here. 

Rumble On!

Rebecca and Karyn

Use the One to Three Word Practice As Your Guide to Live Well in the New Year

“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” — Carl Jung

Since 2011, I have identified three to four words to guide me throughout the year every year. The “my three words” practice was inspired by best-selling author Chris Brogan, President of Chris Brogan Media. These three words are my compass for how I want to live that year. My three words evolve year after year depending on what I want to accomplish, what I feel is holding me back from reaching my goals, and how I want to feel during the year. 

When I reflect on my words over the years, one word has remained consistent - connect.  Usually, one word (such as leap, adventure, or dare) on my list has reflected my personal goal to take more risks throughout the year and not let fear hold me back. Frequently, another word (e.g., aligned, present, or centered) has reflected my desire to be more mindful and intentional about how I live my life. 

Karyn and I have never discussed setting words as intentions for the upcoming year until discussing this blog post. She has a similar practice of choosing one word or a short phrase as her intention for the year. This provides clarity and narrows her intention to a specific topic of focus.

In 2019, a nonprofit organization I worked for took all the employees through an exercise and identified one word —reimagine— as the word for the year.  As we spoke about projects throughout the year, we always returned to our word - reimagine -  for how to design, deliver, or measure results. It was a great word to push creativity and change throughout the organization that year.

The word(s) practice helps you be intentional about the upcoming year. It can also help you break the cycle — picking a behavior to change, going all in, vowing to be successful by the end of the year, and slipping up after a week or two — of unfulfilled New Year’s resolutions. Unfortunately, over 80 percent of us fail to achieve our annual resolutions.  By setting words, you become more intentional about how you want to live your life, which in turn, helps you be more successful in reaching your goals. 

My 2020 words were— listen, connect, inspire, and leap. When I reflect on my accomplishments this year, I see my words reflected. I leaped and left my full-time job of eight years to go back into consulting and start Rumblings. The foundation of the work I do every day is about listening to people, looking for ways to connect deeply with them, and inspiring them to live well. My words also guide me in how I want to parent. I want to be present, listen to each of my children, understand their individual needs, connect deeply with each of them, guide them, and inspire them to live to their full potential. 

Whether you pick one word or three, here are a few tips that we’ve found helpful:

1. Your words do not have to mean anything to anyone else — they’re your words! 

2. Keep the same word(s) all year.

3. Put your word(s) somewhere —  on a calendar, in a journal, as a screensaver, or on a Post-It note attached to your mirror — where you can see it/them every day. 

4. The more you review and reflect on your word(s), the better.

5. Use your word(s) as your mantra. 

How do you choose your word(s):

1. Reflect on the past year. 

2. Visualize how you want to feel, what you want to accomplish, and how you want to live. Creating a small vision board may give you ideas if this is a struggle.

3. Make a list of every word you can think of that reflects what you visualized. 

4. Review the list and narrow it down to your top one or three words. 

5. Give yourself a few days, continue to reflect on your words, and refine your list until you feel confident you’ve nailed them! 

Another reflective activity to prepare for the new year is to renew your vision. Walk through these steps to envision your future.

You know that feeling you can't shake? It's grief.

The human experience includes pain and suffering, but we know that it’s not the full story. There is love, resilience, beauty and grace within that as well. If you don’t tell both pieces of that story, then you’re not telling the full story.

~Elizabeth Gilbert, excerpted from a TED interview.

Almost everyone we speak with these days is feeling something really uncomfortable. And, for those not able to express themselves, those feelings come out in ways that give people close to them pause, knowing that they’re not acting like themselves. 

We all feel it. The sense that this is not normal, it’s gone on too long, and the things that keep us steady, grounded and tethered, just aren’t there any more. The heaviness, the agitation, anger, sadness, annoyance - any emotion you can think of - people are feeling. It’s time to be vulnerable and name this collective ‘thing’ we’re all feeling. It’s grief. We’re all at different places in processing it, but we’re all grieving on some level. 

Every single one of us has lost something. Let that sink in for a moment. No one has been spared, and as time has crawled on, it is dawning on us that the world we used to live in is gone forever. The world has forever changed, and because we live in it, we can’t help but be changed by it too. On top of the grief, it’s common for some of us to feel betrayal. Betrayal by our government for not protecting us or over protecting us, our fellow citizens for not caring more or doing something differently, our senior care facilities for not protecting our most vulnerable. Betrayal for having any level of certainty of our futures taken from us. The feelings are real and it doesn’t help that people judge others’ grief, compare their losses to others, or try to deny that we are feeling them. 

Grief expert, David Kessler defines grief as the death of something in his new book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. We’ve all lost something - loved ones, a job, a marriage, a friendship - at some point in our lives.  We can’t fall into a trap of ranking our suffering. The worst loss is always your loss, and during this time the loss is more persistent and widespread.  It could be time with friends, the closing of the gym, virtual schools and work, or a favorite restaurant. For others it’s a hug, family celebrations, knowing our elderly parents are struggling and not being able to help. And, yes, it could be the illness or death of a loved one. 

We have to feel the grief.  It’s sad and painful on so many levels - yet, ranking our grief against others’ grief diminishes our feelings. At the very least we have lost our collective health and vitality, and that is no small thing. This experience and our grief will be done with us eventually, but resisting it, denying it, and pretending it isn’t there can make the suffering greater. 

We must acknowledge that how we experience grief is personal. Experts talk about grief being a full body experience, meaning that there are more than just feelings, there are physical symptoms too, and not talking about what we’re experiencing gives it agency over us. There is a perspective that we can lend to one another when we share a collective suffering. We can bear witness to each other’s grief, even when it’s messy. We can be our sister’s keeper. We can begin that process by recognizing it, talking about it, and being willing to name it. Naming it and talking about what we’re feeling is one way to keep grief moving and not postpone what is happening until it begins to affect us from the inside out. 

If we won’t let ourselves feel it, we can’t heal it. The work right now is to go inward to acknowledge those emotions, and then with deep gentleness and grace for ourselves, accept them. The work of tending our grief is very heavy. Accepting what we’re feeling and experiencing as a part of us can help ease that heaviness. Acceptance does not happen all at once, but we can work towards it by expressing it and sharing it with our sisters who are also going through these unprecedented times. As we begin to move through this idea of acceptance, we can create enough space to find a seed that will lead us to new ways to do the things that sustain us and give us vitality. 

We can rationalize that nothing is exactly like what we’re going through now. That grief is inevitable, and most of us have survived grief before. We have experienced grief enough to know that being a companion to grief and the feelings it brings takes courage and a willingness to be vulnerable in sitting with feelings that don’t feel great. There is nothing pleasant about numbness, anger, agitation, sadness or the physical symptoms like appetite changes, insomnia, fatigue, nightmares, anxiety, or depression. But, if we aren’t willing to sit with those feelings, we will risk blocking the harmony of our body, mind, and spirit - the place from where we can learn, gain wisdom, and evolve into the fullest and most brave version of ourselves. 

What we do after acceptance is within us. Kessler talks about gratitude not being in the loss, it is in life. We’re normally all so busy chasing extraordinary moments. Maybe, we’ll find ourselves valuing the ordinary moments going forward. Those ordinary moments will be the ones that hold true meaning. We’ll have the wisdom of experience to know we need not wait to create those meaningful moments. We should be creating them right now, and maybe they will give us enough light that we will acknowledge that even while we’re still grieving, we can experience joy, and it’s ‘normal’ to feel that too. 

We also have great capacity to hold emotions like grief and sorrow and hope and joy, all at the same time. The future is uncertain, and we will be forever changed in ways that are still unknown. But, here’s what we do know. We will be here for each other, we will bear witness to each other’s journeys, and we will share and let go of our burdens together because we belong to one another. That is what connectedness and community bring to us. Even though we’re not as close together as we’d like physically, no one can take that belonging away from us. 

If you or a loved one are struggling with feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or helpless during these times where it is impacting you more significantly than what we share here, please know that you are not alone. We encourage you to access many resources and support groups available online. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America and Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration are just two of the many wonderful resources for anyone significantly struggling to cope during these difficult times. 

Being Feminine and Formidable in Today's World: A Conversation with Sasha Shillcutt, MD

Is it possible to be both feminine and formidable in today’s world? Author Dr. Sasha Shillcutt tells us how in a conversation with the Rumblings community of women over 50.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

The unrealistic expectations and labels that women are forced to carry can cause so much stress, pressure, and anxiety to succeed we can lose touch with the essence of who we really are and what we really want. However, showing up in this world in a way that is authentic can enliven us rather than leave us feeling drained. Like a shopaholic, women often fill space with busyness by taking on more, working harder, taking better care of others while we completely neglect ourselves, and act in ways that hide the very nature of who we are. We keep piling on more and maybe we won’t realize we’re collapsing under the figurative weight of it all. 

Then a moment may come in our lives which acts as a switch. It could be a divorce, kids going off on their own, a retirement, or maybe just the little light inside that lets us know that enough is enough. The point where we know that it’s time to be our authentic selves, no matter the consequences. The point when we realize that we will be criticized, face backlash, or pay the price whether we have tried to make ourselves more invisible or lived a life that is bold, outspoken, driven and assertive. Where we finally have courage to live authentically; being ok with the likelihood of being criticized, disappointing people, and perceived as not ‘likeable’. 

Can we be both feminine and formidable in today’s world? Can we find that unique balance between grit and grace? Those were the questions we discussed during a heartfelt conversation at the first Rumblings live, virtual book club with Sasha K. Shillcutt, MD, MS, author of “Between Grit and Grace: The Art of Being Feminine and Formidable”. 

A group of women courageous enough to be vulnerable with one another came together to share difficult experiences with gender bias, backlash, and the challenge of finding our way to a place where we are able to live authentically. Together we reaffirmed that resetting our mindset, living authentically, connecting with others, and lifting each other up are critical components to flourishing after 50.

Dr. Shillcutt describes how she came to write this book and start her company Brave Enough: 

I was on a set and clear path like most of us in medicine, which led me to burnout in 2013. I was a very busy mom with a [high-level]  position and I realized that what I really had achieved [for] myself was becoming someone that I didn't recognize. As a 16 year old, I was going to be this doctor and it was going to be wonderful. And then I realized wow this is not what I thought it was going to be. I was burned out and trying to think of how I was going to make 25 more years in health care. It scared me that I was so low. I thought of leaving medicine after all the years and time dedicated to learning the practice. I recognized a couple things that I needed to change in my life over the course of a year. When I got to the end of that year, I started spending time with myself and becoming more like my authentic self, as uncomfortable as that was for several people that I worked with and even people that I lived with. 

I recognized at the end of that year that I was incredibly lonely. At the time of my life where I felt I needed the most support from other women, I really had none. So I started a group which grew to what it is now - Brave Enough, my company. And throughout those five years, I recognized that what I experienced in the middle of my life and career was probably very similar to what many women experience. 

We get put in these two silos of either being a really strong woman who is extroverted, ambitious, and authoritative, or collaborators  who are more behind the scenes and maybe a little introverted. We get labeled too. Either we’re described as the woman people want to invite for coffee, but nobody thinks they can lead, even though they're very capable and make great leaders. Or we’re labeled as women who are competent but isolated, and often described with unfriendly words. Sometimes as a woman you find yourself being both of those things at different times. 

A favorite part of the discussion was on maneuvering the balancing act between grit and grace while on the receiving end of unfavorable comments —I’m glad I’m not your husband or your kids or you’re too soft or too meek—  and being able to embrace our feminine side while being the only female on an executive team. Dr. Shillcutt shared the following: 

I've been told so many times the same things.. It's such a bizarre comment that men say. I never know how to respond to that. I'm a very feminine woman. I like very feminine things. I like high heels. I like getting my nails done. I used to hide that. My partners would say things like —I’m going golfing and they would be cheered on. I could say I'm going to get a manicure and somehow I'm not taken seriously in my job. I'm not a serious doctor. I'm not a serious leader. Sadly, it's a double standard. 

It hasn't gotten easier for me. I'm just being honest. I was going to reach this pivotal professorship and everybody was going to accept me as myself. I think it's actually the opposite. The more you excel as a leader, the more expectations people have of you to not get your nails done, wear pink, not wear red shoes, and not care about your grandkids or your kids, or whatever.

It's crazy that people expect men, as they age, to get more compassionate and more into their families. But people expect women to care less about those things. I came to the conclusion that I can be my authentic self and not be liked or I can not be my authentic self and not be liked. So, why wouldn't I just be who I am? 

You will regret not being who you are. What you should focus on is being you. Live true to your values and sleep better at night.

Dr. Shillcutt recommends prioritizing spending time with yourself as being key to tapping into your authenticity: 

Everybody says the same thing when they first spend time with themselves - I don't even know what my priorities are. I don't even know where I would start. I don't have a hobby. I don't even know what I like. I haven't done anything for myself in so many years. They start to get uncomfortable feelings. They feel an overwhelming anxiety being alone. 

As women, we're always somewhere on the path of burnout. We're either stressed and approaching burnout; or we are burned out and getting better; or we're kind of walking along the stress path but moving towards thriving. We just go. We don't want to spend time with ourselves because we don't even want to think about the mess that we are. So we just watch Netflix. Maybe we're scrolling through social media for 30 minutes because we don't want to think about what our priorities are or ask how we're doing internally.  

When I ask women a simple question- when was the last time you had the perfect day? - they often tear up because they start thinking back to when they took a day for themselves. It’s revealing. 

You have to get over that hump of spending time with yourself even when it's uncomfortable and not fun because you realize it's like taking your pulse. You likely haven't taken your pulse in a long, long time and you’re afraid to realize [you’re drowning] and you need to turn some things around. You have to do it. I really encourage people to do it.

She described how to find ways to balance being authentic while helping friends who are feeling beaten down without succumbing to their negativity:

 Especially in 2020 women are being asked to do more than ever, to feel more than ever, and to take on the burden of others. Whenever your own mental health is suffering from interacting with another individual, it's not a healthy relationship no matter how long you've been in it, or how much you love the person. You have to put up some boundaries, otherwise you will get sucked into not wanting to be around the person. 

This is very real in 2020. For example, if you go on social media for 10 minutes, you leave, and then you feel either ashamed, angry, criticized or bad. Then you grieve. I think you have to be really careful right now with your relationships, even those on social media. There's a very fine line between protecting yourself and helping others. If you get to the point where helping others is causing you a lot of anxiety and stress, you're not not protecting yourself. It’s OK to set boundaries and distance yourself from people. 

The books and podcasts that Dr. Shillcutt finds inspiring:  

I love to read. I read Scripture. I find it to be really inspirational in the morning. I also like The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday. It’s important to laugh and sometimes I just read books to laugh. We have to continue to find joy and laughter.

I love podcasts as well.  How I Built This with Guy Raz is an entrepreneur podcast. I listen to that almost every week. I also listen to Unlocking Us with Brene Brown, The Alli Worthington Show with Alli Worthington, and Lead to Win with Michael Hyatt.

I am also very careful on who I follow on social media. I don't follow people who are really negative, even if they’re close friends of mine. 

What will it take for women to rise to a level where we no longer have to deal with the backlash? Dr. Shillcutt explains:    

I think two things have to happen. First, women need to be wherever decisions are made. If decisions are being made in any workforce or in any community and women are not at the table, nothing will change. The second thing that has to happen is we have to accept one another for who we are. If a woman is getting passionate about something, she's probably an expert in it. She's getting passionate because she knows about it. I will make it my goal to amplify another woman, even if I don't necessarily like her. I want to empower the voices of women in the room. 

Women have to be where decisions are being made, and quite frankly, if you look at healthcare, we're only in 8% of decision makers. And why do you think we're in the mess that we're in, right? We know from the Gallup studies that when women are at the table, women tend to think of other people not in the room. Men don't do that, bless their hearts. We need women at the table to be thinking of the downstream effects of these decisions. And, I am really passionate about that.

We have to have women in leadership, and that means we as women need to support women leaders. Even if we don't know them, just support them in general because it's hard to be a woman in leadership. It really is.

 In summary, we need to collectively recognize that we have the right to take up space wherever we happen to be. Each time we make ourselves smaller or more invisible, we portray a false notion of what women are supposed to be and do. If we can find our internal voice and be our authentic selves as a collective, we can shift cultures and change norms. 

There is strength in numbers. Hopefully a freeness emerges when recognizing we are not alone after finally beginning to share our experiences with others.  We’ve all experienced the repercussions for being authentic to the point where it either forces us to make ourselves smaller or emboldens us - of which neither may be authentic. Here are a few highlights that hit home for us:

• Confidence is contagious

• Amplify other women - it’s courageous to show up every day and emotionally dealing with potential bullying and retaliation for being your authentic self

• Encourage yourself - be your inner fangirl, and be the fangirl for others

• Gift yourself grace - give yourself margin to fail, or to be less than perfect

• You are enough - you have worthiness just as you are

• Have a growth mindset - our resilience and our ability to bounce back stronger is what leads to success.

• You are not alone - others have had the similar experiences

If you haven’t already, follow us on social media - Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and LinkedIn. Let’s amplify our messages so more women can benefit from this collective community. Be sure to join our email list to be the first to hear about upcoming events. 

We can’t wait to spend more time with you and want to hear your ideas on content and the discussions we need to have with one another. Reach out and send us a note!

Rumble On!

Karyn and Rebecca

4 Critical Lessons Learned while Navigating a Family Health Crisis

“We worked hard to ensure the Rumblings Four Rocks to Flourish After 50 foundational principles followed the latest science, as well as, aligned with what we were hearing from other women. At the time I never thought, so soon after we launched Rumblings, that I would have to personally put the Rocks to a test during a family health crisis. I quickly realized that these prinicples were key to helping me successfully navigate this challenging time.” — Rebecca Lindberg, Rumblings Co-founder

Over the last year, Karyn and I worked hard at polishing our Four Rocks for Flourishing After 50. We wanted to ensure our recommendations followed all the latest science, as well as aligned with what we were hearing from other women.

On August 19, my healthy 54-year-old husband had a severe stroke. It came out of the blue with absolutely no warning which bewildered even his physicians. On the morning of the 19th, he wasn’t feeling well and came home early from work to rest. An hour later, our 17-year-old son found him on the floor unable to move his right side or speak. Within 24 hours, he spiked a fever, was intubated, admitted to ICU, and diagnosed with endocarditis (an infection of the inner lining of his heart chambers and heart valves) which doctors assume caused the stroke. Fast forward 6-weeks, I am happy to report he is making huge strides in his recovery (thanks to his good health pre-event, quick medical care, and amazing providers).

Having a loved one experience a major health event, unfortunately, is something we all go through at different times in our lives. In fact, both Karyn and I have been going through it at the same time with the death of her mother this month and my husband’s current health issues.  It sucks! It really does. At times, I am the “we-got this” warrior and at other times, I am overwhelmed with grief. But what has helped me rally from my lows, has been falling back on the Four Rocks. 

Reset Mindset: 

Over the last six weeks, I’ve had to completely reset my mindset. I quickly learned that thinking about the future after a stroke was an emotional path to nowhere. As a planner, who loves setting visionary goals and steps to achieve them, I’ve had to pause that instinct and commit to staying focused on one day at a time. You see, every doctor and every therapist has said that recovery is personal and looks different for everyone. They can’t say today what three months or six months will look like, only that the progress to date is good. That gives us hope, but the reality is with a stroke, you cannot control the future, only the work we do today. So we get up every day with the goal to make it an exceptional one from the food we eat, the activity we do, who we connect with, to how we frame-up what we think and say. Those are the things we can control. And, day by day we see positive progress and that keeps us inspired for tomorrow.

Live Inside Out:

You’ve heard it a thousand times, you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.  This is harder said than done at times in our lives. I found that to be the case at the onset of our saga. After days of not sleeping, eating poorly, not exercising, and drinking way too much wine, I had to do a reality check with myself. I was getting moody, tearful, and negative which definitely wasn’t serving me or my family. I have four children who needed me to show up for them during this difficult time, a husband who needed support, a business that needed tending to, and a medical situation that needed managing. I wasn’t going to be able to do this if I continued down the path I was on.  

I started with committing to 30-minutes of exercise most days. The minute I got off the bike or treadmill my spirit lifted and I felt ready to conquer another day. I got back to nourishing my body with food that gave me energy and reducing food and beverages that made me feel better in the short term but impacted my sleep and long term energy level. 

Historically, I’ve been that person who puts a wall up and shares “just enough” with others. I tend to hold back from sincerely being my true authentic self — most likely out of fear and/or insecurity. Over the last six weeks, I let the wall down. I’ve told our story and shared the ups and downs of the journey. I’ve opened up our home (messy or neat). I’ve watched my husband rally, get outside, and attempt to chat (finding the right words is still very challenging) with everyone who stops to check-in. We’ve been vulnerable and the love has poured in. And, that love has nourished my soul and kept us both optimistic throughout this journey. 

Listen. Learn. Connect.

The power of community and social connection is amazing. We have felt this first hand over the last couple of weeks. You see my husband, unlike me, is an extrovert. He is the guy who remembers your kids’ names and birthdays. He is the person who remembers the fine details of conversations long after they’ve been had. As a result, he has built a strong amazing community of friends and colleagues over the years and this community has rallied for our family. 

Our home has been filled with cards, flowers, and beautiful plants as daily reminders of their love. Meals have been delivered to our home three times a week. Families of our kids’ friends and neighbors have provided gift cards to local restaurants that have been lifesavers after long days at the hospital and multiple medical appointments. His assistant and a good friend have completely supported his business operations and clients’ needs. And, the amazing Karyn took over Rumblings’ operations while I took a pause to support my husband, even when she was going through a challenging time of her own. And, most importantly the power of prayer and positive thoughts from these friends, neighbors, colleagues, and acquaintances have surely accelerated his progress and prognosis. 

Advocate. Inspire. 

Lastly, during this time I’ve learned so much that I hope to share with you, our Rumblings’ community, over the next few months. We felt like we planned and prepared for times like these, but there are things we could have done differently to be better equipped. I sincerely hope you never find yourself on this path, but if you do, I hope by sharing our experience your experience is a little easier.  

These last weeks have been challenging, but leaning into Rumblings’ Four Rocks has helped me navigate these times more successfully. 

Wishing you good health and well-being.

Together we RUMBLE, 

Rebecca

Coming Around the Table During COVID

It’s an unprecedented time. It’s normal to lose sight of our current blessings amidst the upheaval of our lives.  

Like many of you, additional young adults have descended on our home since March—one for a few weeks during an apartment transition and another for months as he finished his sophomore year in college.  Those two, plus the two still at home, add in the two Morkies, and we’ve had a full house.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved the chaos, conversation, and unexpected reality from the entire family unit being under one roof once again. As the grocery bill skyrocketed and screams of — “There’s nothing to eat” — resonated throughout the house, it felt like a little bit of normalcy during a trying time. 

After weeks into quarantined life, we were sitting around the table sharing a family meal when I realized that no one was jumping up from the table the minute their plate was empty. Conversations were growing more robust and lasting for longer and longer each night, until one evening my college student proclaimed, “Family dinners are great!” 

As restrictions have loosened over time, more and more often I join friends in backyards or on outdoor restaurant patios for dinner dates. Amongst the mask mandate and new safety precautions, it is a few hours to listen, share, connect, and catch-up. Those few hours bring happiness and joy to my week.

It’s easy to lose sight of the value of coming around the table to share a meal with family or friends when we’re busy and running from one activity to the next. If there is a shining moment in the middle of a pandemic, it may be the beauty of friends, families, neighbors, and colleagues slowing down to truly experience the power of conversation, awareness of what and how much we’re eating, true connection over food, or joy of uninterrupted time. 

Research has shown the health and wellbeing benefits of meals with family and friends:

• Lower rates of depression 

• Lower rates of substance abuse, teen pregnancy, as well as higher grade-point averages and self-esteem

• Lower rates of obesity and eating disorders

• Better family functioning, including connectedness, cohesion, and communication

And if that’s not enough, studies have shown that people make healthier food choices (e.g. more fruits and vegetables) the more often they sit down for meals. 

So I am stopping to appreciate the opportunity for my family to come together around the table for a meal every evening without distractions. I am slowing down and appreciating the long conversations with friends over food and drink. I am taking time to ask more questions, debate current events, and listen deeply to the opinions of others even when they differ from my own. And, when we’re back to “normal” and our evenings are full of scheduled events once again, I am making it a goal to prioritize meals, around a table, full of conversation and connection. It’s good for my spirit and soul. 

Rumble on…

Rebecca

Finding a Mindset Reset in the Midst of a Pandemic

“I’ve reset my mind.  Instead of thinking that the creation of lifelong  memories requires lots of travel and big events, I’ve come to the awareness that our real lives are lived in between the cracks of those big events. “ - Karyn Entzion, Co-Founder Rumblings

I am by nature a perpetually optimistic person. But, let’s be real for a moment. Unless there is a miracle, the year 2020 is going down in history as nothing short of a dumpster fire. The realization that the remainder of the year is not likely to improve is very painful and heartbreaking. 

Still, I find myself reflecting on slowing down and being present for my  life in ways that I hadn’t always taken time for before. I sense that we’re going to need this early mindset reset to maintain our faith that there will be happy times again, despite what may be dark days ahead. 

I’m a single empty-nester of an independent only child who is focused on starting his own career and life after school. I’m very grateful for that. These past months have been isolating at times with no immediate family nearby, and parents old enough that I’ve been concerned about their health and safety. 

With a lot of time on my hands, like many people, I adopted a dog. His name is Zeus and he is a four year-old mixed breed. We’ve discovered a lot about each other over the course of walking 8-10 miles per day these past 8 weeks. He’s a champion squirrel spotter from as far as a football field away. He loves to gently jump up and put his paws on my shoulder to give me hugs and kisses. The only ones I’m really getting these days. Telling people you love them virtually isn’t as healing for my soul as showing them in person with a warm embrace!

I would like to send apologies to all the fox-colored little dogs and the mottled colored Australian breeds, because I’ve learned that you are just not Zeus’s type. In fact, he really hates you. At some point in time, it is likely that your kind did him wrong in some manner, and he is still holding a grudge. No, Zeus does not want to say ‘hello’, or merely pass you by on the street, or even see you across the park. Let it be known there is an open challenge to an Aaron Burr style duel with any of you. It’ll be best for everyone if you just steer clear. These dog encounters have been reminiscent of the judgmental looks I used to get when, as a toddler, my son would have a temper tantrum in Target. Except now the look is usually delivered after they’ve scooped up that cute reddish little dog and are running away. And, it’s still so embarrassing. 

In addition to my little project training Zeus, I have experienced many nuggets of appreciation and joy. I’ve explored parts of Minneapolis that I’ve never seen before. It has been peaceful to walk along the banks of the Mississippi in the early morning as the sun rises and few people are out. The quiet stillness of Nicollet Island with the older, stately homes and cobblestone streets are reminiscent of a long gone era when life was simpler.  I have witnessed the gorgeous gardens and peacefulness of the normally bustling and active campus of the U of MN. Zeus and I even had an encounter with a flock of wild turkeys.

I’ve connected more frequently with friends and family, calling more often just to say I care. I’ve taken weekly trips to the Farmer’s Market — the flowers are a highlight. And, I can’t be the only person who has looked forward to going to the grocery store and chatting up the cashier. 

For four months running, I have done a virtual Zoom Happy Hour with four retired friends each Thursday. I started it as a lark, knowing, that like me, three of the four also live alone. They’ve each said it’s a godsend, but honestly, they’re the ones that have saved me. Their activism and the letter writing campaigns, and the information they impart has been wonderful. The ability to experience true belonging, as my full authentic self, has been a gift and healing for my heart. 

I’ve seen some of the most amazingly creative murals on the plywood protecting windows of businesses and have spoken with the artists about how their art is healing hearts. I’ve walked by sidewalk chalk art that has lifted my spirits, encountered painted rocks with uplifting words that made me smile at my luck at finding them in a random spot on a path. 

I love being alone, and I enjoy my own company. Like many of us, I’ve experienced bouts of loneliness and periods of longing to be with my squad, hug my family, and see more of the people I care about. Having both a schedule to keep — even if it’s an artificial one —along with a social calendar has been helpful. 

I’ve reset my mind.  Instead of thinking that the creation of lifelong  memories requires lots of travel and big events, I’ve come to the awareness that our real lives are lived in between the cracks of those big events. Those individual moments that weave our lives together with a common connection in both joy and pain are the ones that create the fabric of who we truly are in our most quiet moments with ourselves. 

But mostly, for the first time in a long while, I have been able to overcome my fears of vulnerability and give myself grace to just stand still. I’ve been able to give myself permission to create more space in my head and my heart – space to explore, to grow, to bend, and to get a little real with myself about what I want from this next part of my life.

I’ve opened up space to understand what it means to belong first to myself. It’s about giving myself permission to put down the baggage put on me by others and admit that I am proud of what I’ve struggled through and that I am comfortable with myself and who I’ve become. Permission that it’s ok to revel in the freedom that comes with truly believing in myself, while recognizing that doing so also requires that I commit to fully living my life. Really being present for every moment, the good, the drama, and the blessings.  

All of that is what brought me to the place of knowing that now is the time to be brave and venture out there to co-create this Rumblings community. To create something where the sacredness of the connection is belonging without feeling the need to sacrifice our authenticity in order to please others or to fit in. I hope you’ll join us – because I have a feeling this next part of our lives could be one hell of a wild ride!

Rumble on! 

Karyn