Why Midlife Women Struggle to Change Habits and How to Succeed

Many women find themselves grappling with change in midlife. The desire to improve or adapt can feel urgent and overwhelming whether it’s health, fitness, relationships, or career. 

Yet, despite the best intentions, lasting change can feel elusive. Why is it so hard to change behavior, especially in midlife?

Current research and insights from behavioral experts like James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, reveal that the struggle often stems from focusing on the wrong things. We tend to zero in on outcomes (like hitting a target weight or achieving a fitness goal) rather than on the deeper processes and identity shifts that drive sustainable change. The good news? By shifting our mindset, taking small steps, and committing to consistency, we can create meaningful and lasting change—without being ruled by the numbers on a scale.

Why Behavior Change Feels Hard in Midlife

Behavior change is challenging for several reasons, but midlife presents unique hurdles:

1. Deeply Entrenched Habits: By midlife, behavior patterns have often been practiced for decades, making them second nature.

2. Shifting Priorities: With careers, families, and aging parents to care for, many women prioritize others’ needs over their own.

3. Biological Changes: Hormonal shifts, slower metabolism, and changing energy levels can make it harder to see immediate progress, leading to frustration.

4. Emotional Ties to Identity: Many of us unconsciously cling to our existing identity (“I’m just not the kind of person who loves exercise”) without realizing that true change requires evolving who we believe we are.

Changing Your Identity, Not Just Your Actions

One of James Clear’s core ideas is that sustainable behavior change starts with an identity shift. Instead of focusing solely on what you want to achieve, ask yourself, Who do I want to become?

For example:

• Instead of saying, “I want to lose 20 pounds,” say, “I am a person who prioritizes my health.”

• Instead of “I want to exercise every day,” try, “I am a person who moves my body regularly.”

When you start seeing yourself as the person who makes healthy choices, every small action reinforces that identity. It’s not about a single goal; it’s about embodying a new way of being.

The Power of Small Steps

Change doesn’t have to be radical to be meaningful. Research shows that small, consistent steps compound over time to create significant results. Clear refers to this as the "1% rule"—improving by just 1% daily. Small steps are also more manageable and less overwhelming in midlife, where time and energy can feel scarce.

Some small actions to consider:

• Swap out one sugary drink for water each day.

• Commit to 10 minutes of movement instead of an hour-long workout.

• Journal for five minutes each morning to clarify your intentions.

Each step may seem minor by itself, but over time, these small wins build momentum and reinforce your evolving identity.

Consistency Is Key

Consistency beats intensity when it comes to lasting change. In midlife, where life’s demands are unpredictable, aiming for perfection often leads to burnout. Instead, focus on showing up regularly, even if it’s not perfect.

For example:

• If you miss a day of exercise, commit to showing up the next day instead of giving up entirely.

• Celebrate sticking to a routine for a week or a month rather than focusing on your progress toward a long-term goal.

Showing up, even in small ways, reinforces the habit and strengthens your belief in your ability to change.

Focus on the Process, Not Just the Numbers

One of the biggest traps midlife women fall into is focusing too much on external metrics, like the number on a scale or the calories burned. While these numbers can provide some feedback, they’re often demotivating when progress feels slow.

Instead, shift your focus to the process itself:

• Enjoy the Journey: Find activities you genuinely enjoy, whether yoga, dancing, or walking with friends. When you enjoy the process, you’re more likely to stick with it.

• Measure Progress Differently: Instead of obsessing over the scale, track how you feel, your energy levels, or how your clothes fit.

• Celebrate Non-Scale Victories: Did you feel stronger during your workout? Did you manage stress better today? These wins matter.

Remember: Change Is a Process

Behavior change isn’t a one-and-done effort; it’s an ongoing process. Long-term commitment is key to success, as small, consistent actions build over time and create a lasting foundation for change. Approaching this journey with patience allows habits to take root and flourish, reinforcing your growth every step of the way. Midlife is the perfect time to embrace this idea. With decades of experience behind you, you’re well-equipped to adapt and grow—if you approach change with curiosity and patience.

Here are some reminders to keep you grounded:

• Be Kind to Yourself: Change takes time, and setbacks are normal. They’re not failures; they’re part of the process.

• Focus on the Long Game: Think of behavior change as a lifelong commitment to yourself, not a quick fix.

• Surround Yourself with Support: Seek out friends, groups, or coaches who uplift and inspire you.

You’re Stronger Than You Think

Midlife is not a barrier to change; it’s an opportunity. For instance, consider a woman who always identified as “not athletic.” In midlife, she starts walking 10 minutes a day. Over time, those walks become part of her identity as someone who values movement and health. This shift didn’t happen overnight, but she embraced a new version of herself through small, consistent steps. 

By shifting your focus to identity, taking small, consistent steps, and enjoying the process, you can create meaningful, lasting habits that enhance your well-being. 

It’s not about becoming someone else; it’s about becoming the best version of yourself. And that transformation is worth every step of the journey.

Recognizing Midlife Challenges: Ladies, you’re not alone!

Fashion After 50, A Fashion Week MN Event. Photo credit: G. Marie Images

“Right after your breakdown is your breakthrough.” – Trent Shelton 

Do any of the following midlife challenges sound familiar? Weight changes, including changes in your physical body shape, loss of strength and balance, or changes in your metabolism. 

We’ve been surveying women since 2021; those were the most common challenges they shared experience in midlife. 

Women also told us about feeling achy, having pain, and experiencing a lack of stamina or fatigue. All of which interfered with achieving their exercise and fitness goals. Eating healthfully and getting adequate sleep were also on the list. 

They also shared difficulties staying connected and engaged with friends (or the loss of friends) and family due to life transitions. The lack of connection was often described as feelings of loneliness. 

Women also felt torn between managing grown children, aging parents, and not having enough personal time to care for themselves.

Financial stress and feeling prepared for retirement were also reported as challenges. 

The list challenge list continued, although not as many women reported the following:

• Feeling stressed

• Getting healthcare professionals to listen

• Being self-compassionate

• Enjoying life without guilt

• Feeling invisible

• Experiencing ageism at work

• Having anxiety

• Dressing for age

• Increasing disease risks

• Finding purpose

How do you feel when you hear the challenges and struggles of other midlife women? Do they resonate with you? 

Sharing this list is not to overwhelm you with midlife challenges you may or may not be experiencing but to help you see YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Midlife is a time of transition, and with transition and changes come challenges. Our bodies are changing. Our kids are leaving home. Our parents are aging. Our friendship groups are changing and evolving. We may be reassessing what we want during this phase of our careers. Many women ask themselves, ”What is my purpose, and what should my life look like for the next decades?” 

Experiencing these challenges that come with midlife are common than most women believe them to be. And the difficulties faced during this time are natural too. It’s time to normalize, talk, and share the realities of midlife and lean on each other as we learn to position ourselves to live vibrantly. We can and should flourish through our 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, and beyond! 

The good news is that we can overcome the new challenges of midlife! With the right tips, tools, and techniques, you can tackle these challenges and live your best life! 

Here’s what you can do to overcome your midlife challenges:

1. Write down the challenges you face in midlife. Be very specific. It is not an exercise about wallowing in our challenges but recognizing them to address them. 

2. Keep your list visible. Add to the list throughout the week. 

3. Sign-up to receive our bi-weekly email newsletter. In each email, we provide tips, tools, and techniques for overcoming challenges and creating lasting change in your life. 

4. Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn, where we provide additional tips and talk about living vibrantly together.

5. Review your list frequently. Develop a plan to tackle one or two of the most pressing challenges you are experiencing.  

6. Take small steps every day to address your challenges. 

Most importantly, you’re not alone. We’re on this journey together, and at Rumblings, we believe women can and should flourish after 50!

Is intermittent fasting the key to aging well for midlife women?

You may have heard the buzz that intermittent fasting can help you lose weight easily and live longer. At the same time, you may also be questioning the validity of fasting for aging well and whether to try fasting yourself. 

To help you decide whether intermittent fasting is for you, we did a deep dive into the literature (and there’s a lot). More research will be published on this hot topic, so our views may evolve as we learn more. 

Why the interest in intermittent fasting? Healthcare has extended length of lives, but not necessarily health and quality of years. The decline in health experienced with aging is influenced by biological and metabolic changes (such as blood sugar, insulin, waist circumference, lean body mass, blood pressure, cholesterol, and triglycerides) that occur during aging. The scientific interest in exploring whether intermittent fasting can improve how we age is increasing. And, if you’re like us, your interest is piqued because you want to age well while living longer. 

Some studies have shown that calorie restriction and increased exercise improved healthspan and delayed the onset of aging-associated declines. Intermittent fasting has been shown to stimulate similar biological pathways at a cellular level as caloric restriction and has emerged as a potential regimen for preventing or reducing the risk for certain diseases such as heart disease, cancer, neurodegenerative diseases, and obesity, as well as for improving brain function and mental clarity.

Types of Intermittent Fasting

Let’s start by defining the types of fasting being studied and discussed in the literature and online. 

• Alternate day fasting is eating a normal diet one day and fasting completely or moderately (consuming ~25% of daily calories or approximately 500-800 calories, called moderate alternate day fasting) the next.

• Fasting on some days of the week. The most popular application is called a 5:2 approach—where a normal diet is consumed for five days, and a fast is done for two days each week. The fasting days tend to be limited to approximately 25% of energy needs (500-800 calories).

• Time-restricted eating limits eating time to 4 to 12 hours during the day. 

• A fasting-mimicking diet is a period of a water-only or very low-calorie diet for two or more days separated from the next cycle by one week or longer. It was developed to be used in periodic cycles.

Research To Date 

It’s important to acknowledge that relatively few studies have explored the different intermittent fasting routines in middle-aged and older adults, and many of these studies were less than one year in length. More long-term research is needed to confirm the promoted health benefits for midlife adults. 

With that said, when reviewing studies conducted with broader populations, some have suggested that fasting regimens can aid in mild to moderate weight loss through consistent reductions in energy intake. However, recent literature reviews have not seen a significant difference over simply reducing calories throughout the day to control weight loss, glucose, and blood lipids. Reducing calories throughout the day or trying intermittent fasting can be viable options for reducing intake. Choose the approach that is easier to adhere to long-term, some people have found intermittent fasting easier than daily monitoring of caloric intake. With either approach, losing weight can improve health, especially in individuals who are overweight or obese.

Time-restricted eating has emerged as an eating approach that may support circadian rhythms. Most studies to date have been done in mice and supported by largely observational studies in humans, but they have shown benefits such as a reduction in fat mass, increased lean mass, reduction of inflammation, improved heart function, and improved natural body repair processes. 

Research done with rodents has also suggested that the health benefits of restricting eating windows without restricting calories were similar to the benefits of calorie restriction.  A few studies have shown that eating the same number of calories earlier in the day compared to late at night aids in weight loss without differences in caloric intake, macronutrient distribution, or energy expenditure furthering the interest in whether intermittent fasting, especially time-restricted eating, could be a practical approach for weight loss. It also has been proposed that time-restricted eating may increase metabolic flexibility enabling the body to fluctuate between burning carbohydrates and fat more easily. 

Metabolism may function more optimally in the morning, which suggests that eating earlier in the day may produce better weight outcomes.  Eating at night (between 5 pm and midnight) can often lead to eating too many calories, which can increase markers of inflammation. More research is needed to understand eating times, fasting periods, and health outcomes. Shorter eating windows (e.g., 12 hours) or consistent first and last meal times may be practical approaches for midlife women to use to control calorie intake without negatively impacting eating in social settings. 

Although some people find fasting difficult to adhere to long-term, others find intermittent fasting approaches easier to follow, making adoption and adherence to these approaches easier. Most people don’t have to overhaul their eating, avoid certain food groups, or monitor calories to follow a fasting approach, especially when doing time-restrictive eating. However, more research is needed to understand hunger, satiety, and long-term success with any fasting regimen. 

While intermittent fasting regimens appear to be safe for short periods, more research on humans is needed to assess safety for long-term use,  Most research has been done on people who are overweight or obese. More research needs to be conducted to determine whether fasting is safe for people at a healthy weight. 

In our experience, with any type of restrictive rule-based eating plan, women may miss out on important nutrients in their diets when they restrict food to a small eating window or fast on alternate days. As we age, getting the nutrients needed to maintain muscle mass and stay nourished can be more difficult, and adding a fasting regimen may make that even more challenging. 

When energy and nutrients are restricted, women may experience symptoms such as hunger, temperature changes, fatigue, headache, low energy, irritability, and gastrointestinal issues. Eating healthfully during any restricted eating plan is important to maintain energy, support mental health, and optimize healthspan. 

We’d love to say intermittent fasting is a key to aging well. Some studies done with lab animals show promising results, but the studies with humans are sparse, short-term, and therefore not yet conclusive. Plus, there’s a lack of consistency regarding an ideal regimen. 

Bottom Line

If you’re interested in trying intermittent fasting,  a shorter eating window (~12 hours) or consistent first and last meal times may be practical places to start for most healthy midlife women as we all wait for more evidence.

Small calorie reductions can be fine, but it’s important to get the nutrients, especially protein, you need to feel great, have the energy to participate in the activities you enjoy, and eat from all food groups. Being too restrictive can prove detrimental to aging well, especially if you lose lean body mass or you fall into an overly  “restrictive” eating pattern that impacts your joy of eating or your ability to eat with family or friends. 

Lastly, work with your healthcare provider if you have a chronic disease or are on any medications to ensure your chosen approach will work for you and not be counterproductive to your current medical regimen.