Why Midlife Women Struggle to Change Habits and How to Succeed

Many women find themselves grappling with change in midlife. The desire to improve or adapt can feel urgent and overwhelming whether it’s health, fitness, relationships, or career. 

Yet, despite the best intentions, lasting change can feel elusive. Why is it so hard to change behavior, especially in midlife?

Current research and insights from behavioral experts like James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, reveal that the struggle often stems from focusing on the wrong things. We tend to zero in on outcomes (like hitting a target weight or achieving a fitness goal) rather than on the deeper processes and identity shifts that drive sustainable change. The good news? By shifting our mindset, taking small steps, and committing to consistency, we can create meaningful and lasting change—without being ruled by the numbers on a scale.

Why Behavior Change Feels Hard in Midlife

Behavior change is challenging for several reasons, but midlife presents unique hurdles:

1. Deeply Entrenched Habits: By midlife, behavior patterns have often been practiced for decades, making them second nature.

2. Shifting Priorities: With careers, families, and aging parents to care for, many women prioritize others’ needs over their own.

3. Biological Changes: Hormonal shifts, slower metabolism, and changing energy levels can make it harder to see immediate progress, leading to frustration.

4. Emotional Ties to Identity: Many of us unconsciously cling to our existing identity (“I’m just not the kind of person who loves exercise”) without realizing that true change requires evolving who we believe we are.

Changing Your Identity, Not Just Your Actions

One of James Clear’s core ideas is that sustainable behavior change starts with an identity shift. Instead of focusing solely on what you want to achieve, ask yourself, Who do I want to become?

For example:

• Instead of saying, “I want to lose 20 pounds,” say, “I am a person who prioritizes my health.”

• Instead of “I want to exercise every day,” try, “I am a person who moves my body regularly.”

When you start seeing yourself as the person who makes healthy choices, every small action reinforces that identity. It’s not about a single goal; it’s about embodying a new way of being.

The Power of Small Steps

Change doesn’t have to be radical to be meaningful. Research shows that small, consistent steps compound over time to create significant results. Clear refers to this as the "1% rule"—improving by just 1% daily. Small steps are also more manageable and less overwhelming in midlife, where time and energy can feel scarce.

Some small actions to consider:

• Swap out one sugary drink for water each day.

• Commit to 10 minutes of movement instead of an hour-long workout.

• Journal for five minutes each morning to clarify your intentions.

Each step may seem minor by itself, but over time, these small wins build momentum and reinforce your evolving identity.

Consistency Is Key

Consistency beats intensity when it comes to lasting change. In midlife, where life’s demands are unpredictable, aiming for perfection often leads to burnout. Instead, focus on showing up regularly, even if it’s not perfect.

For example:

• If you miss a day of exercise, commit to showing up the next day instead of giving up entirely.

• Celebrate sticking to a routine for a week or a month rather than focusing on your progress toward a long-term goal.

Showing up, even in small ways, reinforces the habit and strengthens your belief in your ability to change.

Focus on the Process, Not Just the Numbers

One of the biggest traps midlife women fall into is focusing too much on external metrics, like the number on a scale or the calories burned. While these numbers can provide some feedback, they’re often demotivating when progress feels slow.

Instead, shift your focus to the process itself:

• Enjoy the Journey: Find activities you genuinely enjoy, whether yoga, dancing, or walking with friends. When you enjoy the process, you’re more likely to stick with it.

• Measure Progress Differently: Instead of obsessing over the scale, track how you feel, your energy levels, or how your clothes fit.

• Celebrate Non-Scale Victories: Did you feel stronger during your workout? Did you manage stress better today? These wins matter.

Remember: Change Is a Process

Behavior change isn’t a one-and-done effort; it’s an ongoing process. Long-term commitment is key to success, as small, consistent actions build over time and create a lasting foundation for change. Approaching this journey with patience allows habits to take root and flourish, reinforcing your growth every step of the way. Midlife is the perfect time to embrace this idea. With decades of experience behind you, you’re well-equipped to adapt and grow—if you approach change with curiosity and patience.

Here are some reminders to keep you grounded:

• Be Kind to Yourself: Change takes time, and setbacks are normal. They’re not failures; they’re part of the process.

• Focus on the Long Game: Think of behavior change as a lifelong commitment to yourself, not a quick fix.

• Surround Yourself with Support: Seek out friends, groups, or coaches who uplift and inspire you.

You’re Stronger Than You Think

Midlife is not a barrier to change; it’s an opportunity. For instance, consider a woman who always identified as “not athletic.” In midlife, she starts walking 10 minutes a day. Over time, those walks become part of her identity as someone who values movement and health. This shift didn’t happen overnight, but she embraced a new version of herself through small, consistent steps. 

By shifting your focus to identity, taking small, consistent steps, and enjoying the process, you can create meaningful, lasting habits that enhance your well-being. 

It’s not about becoming someone else; it’s about becoming the best version of yourself. And that transformation is worth every step of the journey.

Rediscovering Your Essence in Midlife: A Journey to Self-Discovery

In the whirlwind of daily responsibilities, it’s easy to lose touch with what truly centers us — that core part of ourselves that holds our truest desires, aspirations, and values. Midlife offers a unique invitation to reconnect with this essence, making it an ideal time for reflection, growth, and renewal.

This week, try the following steps to start this journey of rediscovery:

1. Daily Reflection and Mindfulness

Carve out a few quiet moments each day to reflect. Start by creating a new vision or reading the midlife vision you’ve crafted for yourself, or simply think about the goals and dreams you hold dear. If you can, spend a few minutes in meditation, allowing yourself to sit peacefully and tune in.

Questions to Ask Yourself:

• What are my deepest desires?

• What are my aspirations?

• How do I want to live during the next five years?

• What kind of future do I want to build for myself?

Write down what comes to mind in a journal. Don’t censor yourself — let your thoughts flow naturally onto the page. This practice can help you unlock and acknowledge what truly resonates with you.

2. Feel into Your Desires and Aspirations

Now, take another moment to pause and reflect on those desires and dreams, regardless of whether they feel attainable or practical. Allow yourself to feel the presence of these aspirations fully.

• How do these thoughts make you feel?

• Do you feel more alive, energized, or inspired?

• Are you empowered to start taking small steps toward them?

Capture these feelings in your journal, noting any new insights or clarity. Daily journaling will help you delve deeper into what matters most and open your journey toward meaningful change.

3. Commit to Daily Practice

These reflective exercises can help you stay connected to your core, returning to the essence of who you are and what you value. This practice will give you a clearer sense of purpose and fulfillment, equipping you with the wisdom and strength to live midlife authentically.

Consider committing to a 90-day practice to ensure your daily actions are aligned with your vision. Remember, your daily actions reflect what you believe about yourself. By renewing your vision and reflecting on it daily, you can move toward living out your desires and dreams. Grab a 90-Day Vision Journal with daily prompts to help you stay committed to the process. 

Why Now is the Perfect Time to Begin

As we approach the last two months of the year, there’s a natural shift in energy — a time for reflection and setting intentions as the year winds down. This season invites us to pause, reset, and reconnect, making it the perfect time to rediscover our essence. Embracing this practice now allows you to enter the new year with a refreshed sense of purpose and clarity, grounded in what truly matters to you. Let these final months be a season of self-discovery, preparing you to step into the year ahead with renewed energy and intention.

Embrace the Journey

Reconnecting with yourself in midlife can be an empowering journey that celebrates your wisdom, resilience, and individuality. 

As you rediscover your essence, the path ahead will likely align more with your genuinely desired goals.

Let this week mark the beginning of a new chapter. Embrace it thoroughly, and know you’re supported in every step of this remarkable journey!

If you need additional support finding your essence and renewing your vision, check out our upcoming online and in-person classes.

Overcoming Resistance to Achieve Your Vision: A Midlife Women’s Guide

“A vision is not just a picture of what could be; it is an appeal to our better selves, a call to become something more.”

- Rosabeth Moss Kanter.

You have a vision for yourself but can’t seem to execute it daily. Why? Resistance may be getting in your way. 

So often, Karyn and I talk about the theoretical applications of making and sustaining a change you’re after in your life. 

Today, we want to chat about a simple technique we’re practicing that works. 

It all started when I read the following quote: 

“Let your resistance be, and it will let you be.” 

 From Baron Baptiste in his book Perfectly Imperfect: The Art and Soul of Yoga Practice.

The concept of this quote was discussed in reference to moving through yoga poses, and he explained that resistance—intentional or subconscious—will dissolve in the face of full acceptance. 

What is Resistance?

Resistance to goal attainment refers to obstacles, challenges, or barriers hindering progress toward achieving a specific objective or living your vision. 

Identifying Resistance

You can identify what you resist by focusing on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors regarding your goals. Here are some ways to recognize resistance:

• Procrastination: Putting off tasks or actions necessary to achieve your goals.

• Negative Self-Talk: Engaging in negative self-talk, doubting your abilities, or feeling unworthy of success.

• Fear of Failure or Success: This is the reluctance to take risks or step out of your comfort zone, even if it means progressing toward your goals. 

• Perfectionism: Setting excessively high standards may prevent you from moving forward because you fear not meeting those standards. 

• Lack of Clarity: Being unsure or indecisive about your goals or how to achieve them. 

• Self-sabotage: Engaging in behaviors that undermine your progress, such as procrastinating, avoiding challenges, or seeking distractions, is self-sabotage. 

• Physical Symptoms: Manifesting as tension, fatigue, or digestive issues, especially when thinking about or working toward your goals.

Overcoming Resistance

By being mindful of these signs, you can identify and address resistance early by revisiting your goals, seeking support, or adjusting your approach. Resistance can change depending on the situation and circumstances, and how it manifests is sometimes dynamic. Acceptance is the secret to creating a new path or moving through resistance toward transformation. Acceptance often starts with awareness, which is more observational than judgmental. 

Examples of Overcoming Resistance

Fighting Cravings: 

Recognize and let go of food cravings by acknowledging them and then focusing on something else. For example, you could identify your craving by saying out loud, “I am craving something sweet.” Next, let it go. Think about something else. Grab a good book. Go for a walk. 

I’ve been practicing this for a few weeks and have discovered that resisting cravings keeps them alive in my mind, eventually leading me to eat or drink what I crave mindlessly. Instead, I have been practicing recognizing the craving and letting it be. My mind realizes the craving, then thinks about something else, and eventually, the craving disappears. 

Quitting Exercise: 

Too often, when trying to walk a little faster, lift heavier, or stretch, you feel discomfort or resistance. It feels better to stop; we get it. But positive change comes by overcoming this resistance (we’re not talking pain here).

I started practicing this in yoga. After years of avoiding stretching and not making time for yoga, my hamstrings got tight, so tight that touching my toes was impossible. As you can imagine, the postures were initially tricky and uncomfortable when getting back into yoga. 

Over the last few weeks, I’ve practiced recognizing and letting the resistance be. I’ve made a conscious effort not to quit a challenging posture or skip it altogether, but instead, observe and acknowledge the discomfort and then let it be. It’s incredible how much better I feel, and my flexibility is improving.

Move through discomfort or resistance by acknowledging it and continuing your exercise routine. Monitor how your observation of the discomfort may shift as you continue. 

Traveling Alone: 

Many women seek new adventures in midlife, and sometimes, the type of activities they desire don’t align with their friends or family members’ desires.

Fear is often the resistance holding you back from traveling your path alone. 

If you find yourself in this situation or any situation where fear may be holding you back, recognize that fear and let it be. Remember, fear is the discomfort of change. Living the life of your dreams requires change. And change requires moving through this resistance. 

Conquer fear by recognizing it and taking a step to travel alone or with a group of like-minded women. Research groups of women traveling to exotic locations you dream about, and sign up to travel with a group. 

Summary

Over the next week, practice recognizing your resistance. How do you respond? Do you quit? Do you back away or slow down? Recognize the resistance, observe it non-judgmentally, and then let it be before you make your final decision. More often than not, when you do this, you can move past the resistance and feel better as you accomplish what you envision for yourself. 

You’ll never live your vision if you don’t conquer the resistance to reaching your dreams. 

Do you need additional weekly support to ensure you are living in alignment with your midlife vision? If yes, check out these vision tools.

Unlock A Renewed You: The Power of Short-Term Health Challenges for Lasting Habits

In November, I (Rebecca) competed in a 21-day challenge at the yoga studio I attend. The challenge was to participate in 21 classes in 21 days. You could miss a day, but you had to make it up on another day.  Given that I had just gotten back into yoga after years away, I imagined this would be a motivating way to reignite my attendance. 

Not only did I successfully finish the challenge, I tried new classes I wouldn’t have tried otherwise, met new people, and had fun. The consistency also helped me improve my flexibility and feel better overall. 

I have to admit I have a love-hate relationship with short-term challenges.  On the one hand, they can be motivating. On the other hand, because they are designed for a limited period, it’s easy to make significant behavior changes, only to slip back into old behaviors when the challenge is over. Also, some challenges promote unsustainable behavior changes that don’t help support a long-term healthful lifestyle. However, understanding your goal for participating in a challenge can be a great way to kick-start a new routine and reap other benefits.

At Rumblings, we’ve conducted challenges like our 31-Day Commit to Connect Challenge, Move in May Challenge, 7-Day National Send a Card to a Friend Challenge, and Fruit and Veggie Challenge to kick-start a behavior change and reap benefits. We also have produced resources like our 90-Day Protein and Vision Journals to help women do the daily work to build healthier lifestyles.

The concept of a 21-day health challenge is often rooted in the idea that it takes approximately 21 days to form a new habit.

While the exact duration for habit formation varies among individuals, participating in a time-limited health challenge can help you:

• Kickstart Healthier Choices: A short-term challenge can jumpstart a healthier habit. It provides an opportunity to break free from unhealthy routines and kickstart positive changes in areas like eating healthier, increasing movement, and prioritizing self-care. Make sure that any challenge you undertake promotes a change you can maintain over time. 

• Increase Awareness: Participating in a challenge helps you to become more aware of your lifestyle choices, including dietary habits, physical activity levels, and overall wellness. This heightened awareness can lead to more informed and healthier decision-making.

• Experience Quick Results: A short-term challenge can yield noticeable results within a relatively brief timeframe. It can motivate and reinforce the positive impact of your choices, helping you stay committed to your goals.

• Build Accountability and Community: Challenges often come with a built-in support system, whether through a group, online community, or accountability partner. The shared commitment and encouragement from others can boost motivation and help you stay accountable to your health goals.

• Gain Momentum: Completing a short-term health challenge creates a sense of accomplishment and builds positive momentum. The momentum you create can be leveraged to tackle more ambitious health and wellness goals over the long term.

• Change Behaviors: The challenge can prompt you to modify your behavior.  Whether quitting a bad habit, adopting a new workout routine, or improving nutrition, a time-limited structure helps you focus on one change.

• Enhanced Discipline: A challenge period can support you in building consistency, discipline, and routine in sticking to your health-related commitments. A 21-day challenge is sufficient time to establish a routine. Routines provide structure and make it easier to incorporate healthy practices into your daily life consistently.

• Take a risk: A challenge can be the spark you need to try something you’ve been thinking about but haven’t yet committed. It’s that nudge to take the first step. 

It's important to note that the effectiveness of a time-limited health challenge can vary depending on individual preferences, goals, and the specific nature of the challenge. Sustainable, long-term health improvements often require ongoing commitment beyond the initial challenge period, but a challenge could be the spark you need to get started.

You don’t have to wait for someone else to host a challenge.

Consider challenging yourself to an end-of-year 21- or 30-day challenge like:

• Getting 10,000 steps a day

• Abstaining from alcohol

• Getting to bed at 10:00 p.m. every night

• Meditating for 10 minutes every day

• Stretching before bed

• Eating a minimum of 25 grams of fiber a day

• Getting a minimum of 30 grams of protein at every meal 

• Limiting your screen time to 60-minutes or less each day

Think about a habit you’ve been hoping to change. Create a time-limited personal challenge to reignite a healthier habit as you enter the new year. A couple of additional tips are to make it something relatively easy, specific in terms of what you will do on a particular day time, and in a pre-determined manner. There is no reason to wait another 30 days to get started. Now is the perfect time to challenge yourself and start the year on a new and improved path. 

Lasting Change Unleashed: Discover Essential Techniques to Overcome Challenges and Create a Supportive Environment

Are you ready to shake things up and live midlife to the fullest but feel stuck and confused about where to start? 

We understand that feeling. It can be frustrating, especially when you may not recognize your midlife body, feel your career needs an overhaul, desire to live more vibrantly than your current friend group or feel like you’re living day-to-day without a plan. 

But here’s the good news: you’re different from many other women because you’re ready to make lasting changes.                     

And guess what? It’s possible to change your behaviors and sustain those changes. 

Renewed Vision: Setting the Foundation for Behavior Change

Let’s talk about the key to long-term change—shifting your identity. In case you missed it, we’ve shared the importance of creating a renewed vision for yourself in midlife. Now, that might sound daunting, but before you jump into action—new diets, exercise programs, wellness routines, or sleep protocols—only to slip back into old patterns again, here’s the secret: you need to see yourself as the person who eats well, moves daily, makes healthier choices, and prioritizes sleep BEFORE you take any action. Establishing a renewed vision for yourself is crucial because that’s where many women fail to sustain their desired behaviors for the long term. 

Reduce Friction: Assess and Modify Your Surroundings

Next, you must alleviate the friction to change before you take action. This involves assessing your work, home, school, social, and community environments and asking yourself if they support the desired changes. 

The goal is to make healthier choices easier choices. Too often, we face obstacles like tempting television programs, social media distractions, processed foods that are readily available, and a lack of time that hinders us from making choices that make us feel better, boost our energy, and help us flourish. 

To assess your surroundings, focus on the following:

1. People you spend the most time with

2. The places you frequent, such as work, home, school, church, and community

3. Your systems, like your routines and time management

4. The policies at work or in other organizations you’re involved with

Now, take a moment to reflect: do these people, places, systems, and policies support your values and goals? Do they create friction or resistance when you try to change? For example, does your workspace encourage standing instead of sitting all day? Do your workplace policies allow walking meetings and working out during lunch? Are your friends cheering you on or scoffing at the changes you want to make? Do your routines and habits align with your renewed vision?

Our environment often doesn’t naturally support how we want to live as we age. To ensure success, we must address the potential friction and resistance before taking action toward our goals. 

Observing Successful Example: Prioritizing Health and Well-being

By observing our surroundings, we can get a glimpse of what’s prioritized. Take our recent trip to Vietnam, for instance. During our visit, we noticed that health and well-being were community priorities: 

1. Parks were equipped with adult exercise equipment.

2. People were doing tai chi and stretching in green space.

3. Fruit was served after every meal instead of dessert. 

4. Restaurants served fresh, local food in a family-style manner. 

We found it easier to make healthier choices while traveling in Vietnam than it can be when traveling in the United States.

Modifying Your Surroundings: Making Healthier Choices Easier

Now consider some questions to help you modify your surroundings and better support your goals: 

1. What are one or two things you change in your environment that will help make healthier choices more available and easier to access? For example, can you keep healthier food choices more accessible at home so you can grab them on the go? 

2. What adjustments can you make to your routines to align them with your goals? For example, can you keep sneakers in the car so that you can walk while waiting during pick-up times or in between errands?

3. Can you spend more time with people who support your desire to change rather than resist it? For example, instead of connecting with friends over drinks and a meal, can you meet them for a walk or a yoga class?

4. Can you advocate for changes in work, school, or church policies to make healthier choices easier for you and those around you? For example, can you advocate ending meetings a few minutes early to allow for time to take a walking break or grab a healthy snack?

Embracing Sustainable Behavior Change: The Journey to Midlife Transformation

Starting a new behavior is often easier than sustaining it over time. Why? Our surroundings create resistance that pulls us back into old habits. Before taking action toward your goals, start by assessing your environment.

It’s time to get off the roller coaster and finally live your midlife vision! Creating a supportive environment will make your goals easier to achieve and sustain! 

Looking for more ways to build skills to help you successfully change behaviors? Read our suggestions for building resiliency in midlife.